


Insomnia

by orphan_account



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:59:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after episode 25 but before the "one year later" epilogue. A night of drinking sets Barnaby's thoughts into directions he'd rather not follow, especially when they're about his partner and all the complicated things that remain unspoken between them. But, of course, such things can only stay unspoken for so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 The sound of rain striking the window provided an enveloping white noise background, and the reflection of city lights in the droplets made a shifting constellation on the glass. There was a light on in the apartment, a desk lamp glowing dimly, providing barely more light than what shone in from the city below, but serving as just enough to reveal the figure of Barnaby seated and gazing out the window. The table nearby was littered with bottles and one empty wineglass, and Barnaby held another glass by its crystal stem, rolling it absently between his fingers. On one hand, it was clear how the night had proceeded to this point: he was surrounded by the evidence. On the other, he still had no idea how it got there.

He did know how the softly snoring occupant of his bed had gotten there: he'd carried him. Kotetsu had protested, had insisted that he could call a cab to get back to his apartment, since he was too drunk to drive. But Barnaby had quietly insisted that it was foolish to call a cab out here in this weather when there was a bed available. A seldom-used bed, truthfully, but he hadn't needed to add that part for Kotetsu's benefit. By now his insomnia was known to his partner. Still, he'd insisted, with his quiet command of logic, that it was far more reasonable for Kotetsu to sleep off his inebriation here, and he'd had finally given in.

It had felt rather odd to help him to bed. No, it was awkward, even considering all the times he had caught and carried his partner before. At the time he ignored those invasive thoughts in order to get the task done with minimal argument, but now he had no defense against them. 

Barnaby sighed, setting the wineglass down in order to pinch the bridge of his nose. There wasn't anything to be done about it now. In the morning, Kotetsu would probably want an explanation for his unusual surroundings, considering he'd probably had enough to drink that his memory of the night before would be sketchy, and Barnaby would have to steel himself to endure the ridiculous eyebrow-waggling that would ensue. Because Kotetsu would probably turn the truth about what happened into some sort of bad joke.

_“No, you're going to stay here, and that's final.”_

_Kotetsu smirked, or tried to do so. Even at the best of times, his attempts to look smooth or cool ended up looking awkward, and being drunk only magnified that, so that his expression looked more like a lecherous leer. “Ahh, is that your plan in having me over? Get me drunk so I have to stay the night?”_

_“Stop that. That's not true and you know it. Come on, get up. I'm not wasting my power to carry you when you're reasonably able to at least help.” Barnaby took Kotetsu's arm and tugged, and after a little resistance, pulled the man up to his feet._

_“Oof, careful, Bunny, little too fast.” Kotetsu's face had paled as he was hauled up, and Barnaby fought back the impulse to roll his eyes at the nickname. “Just give me a moment, okay?”_

_“Fine, but you're not getting any lighter in the meantime,” he muttered as Kotetsu slung an arm over his shoulders._

_“If all you're going to do is complain, I'll just walk home.”_

_“You wouldn't even make it to the door on your own. Come on, old man, let's go.”_

_It took a few awkward steps before they managed to find a rhythm of strides that would get them to the bedroom without either or both falling to the floor. Kotetsu's wine-laden breath was hot on Barnaby's neck, a detail that impressed itself into his mind. Their progress was in silence but for the beat of the rain until they got to the bed. A quick tap of the light controls gave the room dim illumination, but it was still enough to make Kotetsu squint and grunt in pain. Barnaby had to admit that his reaction to the light wasn't much better, and it was on its lowest setting. He hated to think of what his morning hangover was going to be like. He helped Kotetsu to the bed, set him down, and then carefully turned for the door._

_“Hey, Bunny, I thought you hated shoes on the furniture.”_

_Barnaby stopped. “I do, so take them off.”_

_“Ah. I don't think that's gonna happen ri-right now.”_

_He turned around, to see that Kotetsu had managed an inelegant sprawl back on the bed, his feet hanging over the edge. Kotetsu waved a hand in his vague direction, and Barnaby sighed. “The things I have to do for you, old man.”_

_“Pah, you're the one who forgot. I know I'm still wearing shoes.” Kotetsu seemed very pleased by that observation._

_“You drank too much.”_

_“You let me.”_

_“I-” Barnaby paused and sighed. “Fine.”_

_Kotetsu was obviously proud of this victory and not willing to stop there. “Hey, what about my clothes?”_

_He stopped and leveled a look over the rim of his glasses._

_“They'll get wrinkled!”_

_“Then you'll have to deal with that. I doubt wrinkles will be the first of your concerns in the morning.”_

_He frowned suspiciously. “What do you mean by that?”_

_Sighing again, Barnaby shook his head—then instantly regretted the latter. “I mean you're drunk.”_

_“I know that. You should get some shochu if we make a habit out of this, it's stronger than all that wine we had to go through.”_

_“Don't change the subject. You're drunk, so you're not going to be feeling good in the morning.”_

_There was a long pause as the words sank in, and then a frown. “Then why did you let me drink so much?”_

_Barnaby pinched the bridge of his nose. “You're giving me my hangover headache already, old man. Sleep in your clothes.” He turned again for the door._

_“Hey! Bunny! Where are you going?”_

_He stopped, bracing himself against the doorframe as he replied. “To leave you here to sleep.”_

_“But where are you going to sleep?”_

_“In my chair.”_

_“In your chair, hah. You know, chairs aren't for sleeping, that's why we have beds.” Barnaby had his back to Kotetsu now, but he could hear the glowing pride he had in that stellar observation._

_“Yes. I have a bed. You are sleeping in it. So I'll sleep in my chair.” Or not sleep, more likely, but he didn't need to add that._

_“Stupid. Your bed is so huge. Come on, we can share it.”_

_“We are not going to share a bed.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because you are drunk. You're going to snore. I want to be far away from that.”_

_“That's not a good enough reason.”_

_He gritted his teeth. “It's the reason you have to live with. Goodnight, Kotetsu.” And to forestall further argument, he shut the door as he left._

A flicker of lightning through the window jolted him out of his thoughts and back into the present. A few moments later came the rumble of thunder, and Barnaby mentally calculated the storm's distance, then filed away the information as irrelevant. He looked beside him at his glass and the remnants of Zinfandel in it, the deep red of the wine absorbing all light and rendering it sinisterly dark. With a soft sigh he reached for the glass, corrected his aim, and then finished off the wine, placing the now-empty glass back down and staring back out the window. Alone with his thoughts again. It wasn't an unusual situation, but usually the wine helped induce some sort of fatigue in him that he could turn into sleep. Not that he drank for the purpose of a sleep aid, but sometimes he just didn't want to be awake and vulnerable to all the troubles and doubts that the night brought to him. Unfortunately it seemed that tonight he had no choice.

In a way he was resigned to the chronic insomnia that had plagued him since his teens—and possibly longer—but that didn't make it any easier to bear. Sometimes it frustrated him nearly to tears, and sometimes he laid in bed staring at the ceiling with a dull apathy. Sometimes he didn't even bother with the pretense that was the pre-sleep ritual of undressing, and just stayed in his chair until fatigue overwhelmed him and rendered him unconscious. It never showed in daytime. He did his work as was needed, with the proper attention it required, and never permitted his lack of sleep to affect his performance. It was only his private life that was impacted, and in all honesty, he really didn't have much of a private life. Once, there had been research, news archives, old articles. But that was as much something he used to fill his sleepless hours as it was a pastime affected by his sleeplessness. And at any rate, it was over now. He had combed the resources at his disposal for any shred of information about Ouroboros, but nothing could be found. The unresolved truths of the organization remained secret. So he didn't even have that to turn to when he couldn't sleep. Just his thoughts. His frustrating, alcohol-afflicted, tangled-up thoughts, all centered around the man in his bed.

Partner. Kotetsu was his partner. Kotetsu was the single most important person in his life, the only person who had always been his ally. Even if it had started out rather rocky between the two, forced to team up and work together when neither wished to do anything of the sort, Kotetsu had always been on his side. He was oddly dependable, even at his most unreliable. Barnaby could count on him even back then, and that truth had grown to a massive certainty now. They had each other's backs. No criminal could get the best of them. They were the very best team.

No, no question that Kotetsu was the best partner he could ask for. But that was work. What about times like this? True, Kotetsu had invited himself over, but Barnaby hadn't objected, though he would have before. Previously, work was work, and Barnaby preferred to keep everything nicely compartmentalized, even if being the hero with his identity made public blurred some of those lines. But there had come a point somewhere along the way when spending non-work time with Kotetsu out of choice started happening, and then happening with more frequency. Now they were nearly always spending time together on the weekends if their schedules allowed it, and usually they did, since the two were a team. Sometimes they didn't. Last weekend had been one of those, and Barnaby had struggled with the unusual feeling of loneliness through those days. He was used to being alone, but being lonely was altogether new to him, and it was a frustrating sensation. Far from useful, too. What was there to gain from missing a presence that much? Even the ache of his parents' absence in his life didn't feel like this, muddled as it was by the passage of years and the uncertainty of his memories. Not having Kotetsu around, though, that had a sharpness to it, a pang that settled itself into his chest when he thought about it too long.

Like now.

He was startled by a bright flash of lightning, and the thunder that followed was no distant rumble, but a sharp crack followed by deep rolling booms that he felt as well as heard. It had to have struck close, maybe one of the lightning rods on this very building. With his heart racing from the adrenaline surge the bolt had given him, Barnaby leaned back in his chair, trying to slow his breathing and relax. Sleep would be even more difficult now, sitting here in full view of the storm rolling in, and that was even before considering the insomnia problem. He'd might as well resign himself to another sleepless night. Another night of his thoughts drifting uncertainly and always orienting themselves back in the direction of Kotetsu, and leaving him completely unable to find any rest.

“Bunny-chan?”

He blinked, peering toward the hall. A well-timed flash of lightning provided the illumination he needed to see Kotetsu leaning there, his clothes rumpled and his face concerned. Concerned, and also in pain from the assault of the bright light. Barnaby adjusted his glasses. “Kotetsu? I thought you were sleeping.”

“I thought you were too. Or you were going to. Is it just the storm keeping you up, or is it the insomnia again?”

Barnaby frowned. Surprisingly perceptive of the old man. “In all honesty, the storm isn't helping,” he finally responded. 

“Neither is that chair, I bet. You can't fool me, it can't recline enough to be comfortable.”

“It's comfortable enough,” he retorted, feeling oddly defensive of his taste in furniture. “Besides, we went over this, you're sleeping in the bed.”

“Except I'm not sleeping right now because I want to make sure that you're sleeping.” 

He had to piece that one together in his head. The wine was definitely getting to him and impairing his thought processes. “You shouldn't let that stop you. If you don't rest, you'll regret it in the morning.”

It didn't take a flash of lightning to reveal the smirk of victory on Kotetsu's face: it was obvious in his voice. “Ahah, and so will you, Bunny-chan. You drank too.”

“You drank more.”

“Now you're the one changing the subject! Stop this silliness, Bunny. I bet if you come to bed you'll be able to sleep.”

“Then where will you sleep, old man?”

“The bed's more than big enough for two!”

“We're not sleeping together.”

“Not yet, anyway.”

Barnaby's heart skipped a beat.

“Because we're still arguing when we could be sleeping.”

Oh. He meant it literally, not euphemistically. Why did that both relieve and disappoint him? “Go back to bed, Kotetsu.”

“Nuh-uh. Not without you.”

“This is foolish.”

“This is your partner looking out for you. I'm not going back to bed without you.”

“For the last time, I'm fine, Kotetsu. And you were snoring. So I wouldn't be able to sleep there anyway.”

“I do not snore.” His voice was petulant now, and a little bit harder to hear over the roar of the downpour outside.

“You do, and I think that's where you really got your hero name from. It sounds like a cat snorting and growling. Go back to bed.”

“It does not, and now you're the one changing the subject. Not without you. Besides,” and a thin thread of smugness colored his voice, “I need help getting back to bed. I'm surprised you didn't hear me stumbling out here.”

Barnaby's frown deepened. “You shouldn't have gotten up. And I won't let you trick me.”

“But you will let me try to get back to bed without help?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are unbelievable, old man.”

“So are you! Refusing to help me, I can't believe my ears.”

“Hard of hearing, too, because I didn't say I wouldn't help.” Barnaby pushed himself up, blinking against the lightheadedness that afflicted him for a few heartbeats. Somehow he had the feeling that this argument wasn't quite going the way he wanted it to, but he couldn't quite put a finger on just how it was getting out of his control. This troubled him, as he made his way back over to Kotetsu and wrapped an arm around his waist, shouldering under his arm to support him. He had the distinct feeling that he was losing the upper hand, but the effect of the wine was just enough to confuse the issue.

The effect of the wine on his partner was a little more obvious in his stumbling steps, and the two of them made a few impacts into the wall, punctuated by the older man's grunts. But otherwise, Kotetsu seemed to be positively beaming, and this made Barnaby even more convinced that things were not going his way. As they reached the edge of the bed, he had his suspicions confirmed by the next words.

“There. Now take off your shoes and get in bed too.”

Barnaby frowned. “That's not how it's going to go.”

“Yes, it is,” he insisted, “because now you're here, and it would be foolish to stumble back out to mope at the storm. Come on.”

“Kotetsu.” There was a tiny hitch in his voice that he hadn't intended to reveal. 

And his partner hadn't missed it, because his own voice softened. “What is it, Bunny?”

“I don't think we should be sharing the bed,” he said haltingly, trying to choose his words with care.

“Why not, Bunny?” His voice was still soft, and his arm had slipped down from his shoulders to linger around his waist.

“Because... Because...” Barnaby frowned in frustration as the right words for his nebulous uncertainties failed to reach his tongue. “Because you need to sleep.”

“So do you, Bunny. And the bed is big.”

“But it's not about that.” His heart was beating faster, and there was that pang in his chest again.

“Then what is it?” Kotetsu, speaking softly, patiently, reassuringly.

“It's... Dammit, I don't know!” and his voice started to crack under the unexpected strain.

The arm around his waist tightened. “Hey, Bunny. Calm down, it's not a big deal.”

His eyes were stinging and his hands were clenched. “If it's not a big deal, why are you making it one?”

“Because I don't know why you're making it one. Bunny, I just want you to try to sleep in your bed, and there's more than enough room for both of us in it, and we're both going to be miserable in the morning if we don't try to rest. We'll be miserable enough anyway.”

He resisted the urge to take off his glasses and wipe his eyes, instead trying to blink back the sting. “Why are you doing this?”

There was a soft sigh beside him. “Because I think we're both too lonely. And I think it's stupid to be lonely alone.”

“Isn't that how it works, though? Loneliness happens when you're alone.” Barnaby tried to stifle the bitterness in his voice. He wasn't very successful.

“But that's my point. We won't be alone. We have each other. Partners, right?” Kotetsu shifted beside him, moving his head closer. “I know you have a hard time sleeping, Bunny. I think this might help, if you're not alone when you try to sleep.”

Barnaby swallowed. “Is that what this is all about?”

“Oh, mostly. You just had to be stubborn.”

“Hah. You would know stubbornness, I guess.”

“I guess I would.” The yawn that followed that statement indicated why the barb failed to draw a similar comeback. “I'm also tired and I'm going to fall asleep and I'd rather do it knowing you're okay.”

“I was fine.”

“You weren't sleeping.”

“I was still fine.”

“Come on, Bunny-chan. Just try it, okay? Humor an old man. I think it'll help. Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but we won't know until we try. And you might be easier to live with if you get a decent night's sleep.”

His retort died on his tongue. Outside, the storm rumbled again. Kotetsu did have a point, if he returned to his chair he wasn't likely to get any better chances of sleep than if he was in his bed. Even if he was sharing the bed. Because as awkward as the concept was, it was slowly becoming less awkward in his mind. Maybe he was sincere about this and it was all for Barnaby's good. Or maybe for his own good as well. He'd said they were both too lonely. Oddly, that proof of Kotetsu's self-interest reassured Barnaby, rare as it was for Kotetsu to admit something like that, and he sighed softly and reached down to his boots.

“Where are you going?”

“I'm taking off my boots. We went over this earlier. Don't make me repeat myself so much in one night, old man.”

There was a note of surprise in his voice. “You mean you're going to sleep?”

“Yes, after I get my boots off. Move that pillow over, old man.”

“You need better ones,” was the retort. “These are too firm.”

“They're just fine to me.”

“You hardly sleep, I think this might be why. You're trying to sleep on a brick.”

“No, I'll be sleeping next to one.” He placed his boots carefully beside the bed where he hoped not to trip on them. The morning was going to be awkward enough.

“I- Hey!”

“And you better not steal the blankets, old man.” He took off his glasses and placed them on the bedside table, then laid back, determined to worry about his clothes later rather than risk another argument with Kotetsu.

“And what if I get cold?”

“Then you'll have to deal with it. Remember, this was your idea, and my bed.”

“Cruel Bunny.”

“You invited yourself over to drink, too. It's all your idea.”

“Cruel, heartless Bunny.”

“Go to sleep, old man.”

“Fine.” The mattress didn't register much vibration as Kotetsu laid back, giving Barnaby hope that this might actually end in him sleeping, rather than awakened constantly by potential tossing and turning. “Just remember that the good parts are my idea, too. When you wake up in the morning and don't feel completely awful, remember that it was my idea.”

“Whatever you say, old man.” He settled his head against the pillow. Well, maybe Kotetsu had a point. A softer pillow might be worth a try. He gazed up at the ceiling, and his mind registered surprise to find his eyelids drooping closed. The argument with Kotetsu must have tired him out.

There was a soft chuckle in the dark next to him. “You'll see. This is going to work, and you'll be thankful in the morning that you got such good sleep.”

In the dark, he felt safe in letting the corners of his lips twitch up into a smile. “We'll see,” he agreed. Before he could even start to work his mind through the way it felt to be laying in bed next to Kotetsu, he felt his thoughts starting to drift in the aimless patterns that signaled near-sleep. And in part of the mental wandering, he realized that there was a certain comfort to be found in not being alone, and that he wasn't feeling that ache of loneliness anymore. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered a concern, noting that this required further consideration to determine the extent of the implications. But that train of thought slipped away from him, and he didn't have the energy or even desire to pursue it. He closed his eyes. He had almost drifted off when he heard the soft words next to him. 

“Sleep well, Bunny.”

He smiled. “You too, Kotetsu.” No use borrowing trouble. He'd face tomorrow when it came.


	2. Chapter 2

The process of waking up had been perfected by Barnaby years ago, to the point that he was virtually unable to break the good habit he'd instilled in himself. His alarm clock was rarely needed to get him up in time, and he had never touched the snooze button. If there was an important appointment, he always woke in enough time to shower, dress, get breakfast, and be fully prepared for the day ahead without needing to rush at any point. It wasn't even an ability he prided himself on, it was simply the way he did things, and could not conceive of doing them differently. But around the time he learned that alcohol could be used to help induce sleep on his sleepless nights, he also learned another important fact.

Having a hangover blew all those carefully laid habits to hell.

So instead of awakening quickly and easily, recalling the day's schedule, and setting about preparing for it, he woke up with a dull throb in his head and an uncomfortably dry mouth. He tried opening his eyes, but immediately closed them and wrote that off as a bad idea. How could something as beneficial and necessary as light hurt so very badly? 

A detached part of his mind clinically reviewed the information and came to the conclusion that he had a hangover. It then ranked this particular hangover on the list of his worst. Not a new record, but not a forgettable one, either. He must have gone through a fair bit of his wine collection to get to this point. Did he? He started to bring up the memories of the night before, though they were hazy and his head continued to throb. That detached part of his mind started to weigh the benefits verses the disadvantages of overindulging on alcohol: on one hand, this hangover made him miserable, but on the other, he woke up with it, therefore it must have at least allowed him to sleep.

Sleep. Something about sleep. He had nothing going on today, so he could nurse this hangover without having to go to extraordinary measures to hide his misery. It was the weekend. He usually spent time on the weekends with Kotetsu. Well, that explained why he'd drank that much. He tended to lose track of how much he was drinking when it was with Kotetsu.

Something about Kotetsu. And sleep. And... He frowned. He needed to do something about this headache, it kept intruding on his thoughts and scattering them before he could get a fix on the situation. He reached for his glasses.

Out of reach? Then where was he in the bed-

He froze as the memories came flooding in. Kotetsu. Kotetsu had been too drunk to drive back. He told him to stay. And somehow Kotetsu had convinced him to share the bed.

His body tense, he turned his head to the other side of the bed and blinked warily. The light again stabbed straight through his eyes into his aching head, forcing him to close them again. The vague blur he'd managed to register in that blink wasn't enough for him to tell what was going on. He needed his glasses. He groped out again for the bedside table.

“Here, Bunny.” And his glasses were placed in his hand.

Steeling himself, Barnaby slipped them on, then hesitantly opened his eyes again. The light didn't hurt any less, but at least he was able to see now. And what he saw was Kotetsu, in the rumpled and slept-in clothes he'd worn yesterday, standing next to the bed and holding a glass of water.

“Thought you might be thirsty when you woke up, if you feel the way I do,” Kotetsu explained in a voice that betrayed an undertone of pain, setting the glass down on the bedside table and then leaning back. 

Barnaby peevishly noted that he hadn't even used a coaster, and he pushed himself up into a sitting position so he could save his furniture from the indignity by taking the glass. Also, so that he could drink the water. The old man was right, he was thirsty. “Thank you,” he said after downing most of the glass. 

“You must feel the way I do,” Kotetsu observed, with a note of sympathy in his voice. “But what I want to know is how your hair is still so perfect.”

Barnaby frowned, a hand going self-consciously to his hair. “It's not perfect,” he insisted. “It's a mess.” His fingers itched to fix it.

“My hair's a mess. Your hair looks good enough for a photo shoot.”

“Considering that tastefully tousled is in this season, I'll give you that one.”

“Hah.” There was a pause. “Need another drink? I mean, water, not hair of the dog that bit us.”

“No, I'm fine.” 

“You are not, don't even start. Breakfast?”

A thin smile. “Fried rice?”

“What else?” Kotetsu was grinning, though Barnaby could see lines of pain etched in his face. Not severe pain, but definitely significant discomfort. He knew his partner's face well enough to read that. So Kotetsu had a hangover too. Barnaby felt a sudden stab of guilt as he remembered that he hadn't yet learned how to make fried rice. At least, not the way he wanted, he had yet to get the recipe just right. And he'd promised. He'd-

He didn't want to think about that. They hadn't talked about it, that horrible waking nightmare when Barnaby's partner had again taken a hit to save him, to save them all, and was now dying in his arms. He didn't want to talk about it, or think about it, because the very thought of it brought that aching despair welling back up again. 

No. Back to the present. Where he was in his bed and Kotetsu was offering to make breakfast and it was almost like a repeat of that time they'd been pressed into being babysitters, except they were alone this time. The hangover was about the same, though. “I suppose it will have to do,” he finally answered, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. This wasn't as awkward as he feared it would be.

“Then I'll do that, and you can shower while I make breakfast.”

Barnaby frowned. Now he was getting suspicious at how not-awkward this was. Kotetsu was here, in his apartment. Kotetsu had slept here after drinking with him last night. In his bed... 

Or did he? His chest tightened, and a chill seized him. He couldn't remember. He wasn't sure. His memories were hazy. Usually that didn't matter after a night of drinking but this time, this time it was important, and he couldn't remember.

“Hey, Bunny,” and Kotetsu's hand was on his shoulder, his gaze worried. “What's wrong?”

“I-” Barnaby swallowed, his mouth dry from more than just the hangover. “You...you stayed here last night, right?”

“Yeah, you wouldn't let me get a taxi. You insisted that I stay here. It was storming.” Kotetsu's voice was calm and careful, worried around the edges, but patient. Barnaby started to feel the clutch of fear ease up around his chest. The storm...he remembered the storm. He remembered Kotetsu getting up, and walking him to bed again, and...

He looked down at his hands, feeling a warm flush in his face that he hoped he could pass off as just the hangover. “You slept in my bed.”

“And I told you, your pillows are too firm.”

“...and I woke up in my bed.”

“I woke up earlier, and got up to get some water. I was going to shower but the noise would be too loud for my headache,” Kotetsu explained patiently.

He was calming down. The memories were all there, just a bit hazy from the alcohol. That's all. Nothing sinister. Just a normal byproduct of overindulgence. But it was another point in the cons column of why drinking wasn't a good sleep aid. He shivered.

“What's wrong, Bunny? Cold? I didn't steal the blankets.” It was a joke but it wasn't, and in those warm brown eyes looking down at him was concern.

He swallowed. “I just couldn't remember, at first. I remember now. It just worried me for a bit when I couldn't remember.”

The hand on his shoulder tightened. “Ah, I see,” Kotetsu said, and his voice was soft with compassion for those words. It then brightened. “Well, there's nothing to worry about. We didn't even spill any wine on the carpet.”

“Good.” Barnaby tore his gaze off his hands to look up at the man standing beside him. His partner. “I'm sorry, Kotetsu. I shouldn't have worried you like that.”

“I told you, there's nothing to worry about! Except our hangovers. So I'll go start breakfast, okay?” He patted his shoulder, and then started to walk away.

Barnaby put his hand on Kotetsu's. “Thank you.”

“What for? I haven't started breakfast yet. Save your thanks for later, in case I burn it.” With a chuckle, Kotetsu left the room, and left Barnaby with a small smile on his face. 

Well. That had been...something. Awkward and frightening and reassuring all at once. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, discovering with a sour note that his hair was indeed quite a mess, despite Kotetsu's observations to the contrary. What did the man know about style anyway? He managed to keep his beard neat, but that was just about it. And that ridiculous hat he insisted on wearing...

Now his thoughts were wandering again. Barnaby sighed again. A shower. Kotetsu had suggested he take a shower, and it sounded like a good idea. He rubbed his temples, hoping the headache would ease soon, and with its absence make his thought processes clear up. He had to admit that the memory issues bothered him far more than the headache and other physical discomforts. Yes, he was definitely going to have to rethink this drinking thing, because being unable to think clearly was far harder to deal with than simple insomnia. At least for him. Still troubled by the haze in his memory, he set about getting that shower done, feeling oddly self-conscious about undressing, even after shutting the bathroom door. 

Memories. Another thing he hadn't talked about. Another thing he didn't want to talk about. It had only been a few weeks since...since all that. Since he'd almost lost everything. And never mind that he'd been manipulated, he still felt the heavy burden of guilt for what he had almost done. 

_“My name's not Bunny.”_

_Wait. Where was he? The bridge, he'd been chasing... Kotetsu? No, that didn't seem right, he'd been chasing a criminal. Kotetsu was here, though. But why was he cringing on the ground, his suit battered and broken in many places? Why was he tensed with a look of abject despair on his face? Why was he now staring up in shock?_

_“It's Barnaby.” He was annoyed. Maybe not as annoyed as his voice let on, because he had to admit, he had been coming to secretly enjoy the fact that his partner had a nickname for him. But he didn't want to let that on. He wanted it to look like he tolerated it when he was in a good mood. And he wasn't right now, because there was something important going on and Kotetsu was calling him by that childish nickname again when they should be-_

_Should be what?_

_Why was it so hard to remember?_

_“What's going on?” Why were they here like this?_

_Kotetsu, unsteadily rising, his brown eyes wide. “You're back to normal?”_

_Normal? What did he mean by that? Did he have to explain, patiently, why that nickname bothered him? Apparently so, because Kotetsu was still staring at him. With...with tears in his eyes? “What happened?”_

_“You know who I am, right?”_

_How infuriating of him! That was no answer, and what kind of question was that, anyway? Frustrating old man, never being forthright when it was important... He narrowed his eyes, peering curiously at his partner. “Kotetsu?”_

_He didn't expect the excited whoop, or the sudden embrace, or the tears that brimmed and rolled freely down Kotetsu's cheeks. None of what was happening made any sense to Barnaby. Why on earth was he acting like this? What was going on? He still didn't have an answer to that question, and he started to open his mouth to ask again-_

_He definitely didn't expect the kiss._

_It took him so completely by surprise to feel Kotetsu's lips on his that he froze entirely, and something, something deep-down that he'd pushed back there into the dark recesses to never ever be considered, never be entertained, never even consciously admit, that something took this opportunity and responded._

_By kissing him back._

_His lips were moving with Kotetsu's, and he registered the other man's surprise in a small hesitation, a soft and muffled sound of delight, and then they were kissing again. And again. Small, feverish, desperate kisses, Kotetsu's cheeks wet with tears and his chin all stubbly and unusually unkempt, and the awkwardness of their suits in the way of truly feeling this embrace, and-_

_It was Kotetsu who broke it off, who stepped back and put his hands on Barnaby's shoulders, as if afraid to be too close but unwilling to be apart. For a long moment their eyes were fixed on each other, lips parted, breathing heavily, silent and awaiting some sort of sign or acknowledgment..._

_No, everything was still too confusing. What just happened—something. Something just happened. He still didn't have an answer to his question and that was far more important and that released something was once again pushed down to be a deep hidden something because he needed to be able to THINK and this was getting in the way, whatever this was, and no, it'd be dealt with later._

Except there hadn't been a later. There had been horrible revelations, a terrible situation, the worst fight they'd ever been in, and... and that soul-crushing moment when he thought his partner was dying in his arms. And they hadn't talked about that, either. So that earlier moment, that moment before he realized everything that was going on, that moment before he was in his usual careful control of everything he did and said, that moment went completely unacknowledged. He even tried not to think of it, and he was usually successful at that.

But sometimes, intruding into his sleeplessness, was the memory of tear-streaked cheeks and soft, warm, wanting lips. And how very much he wanted in return, with an ache in his chest that overwhelmed him. How, after learning what had happened and how terrified and defeated Kotetsu must have been, he wanted those kisses to repeat, to express to his partner his fear, his relief, his...

Barnaby buried his face in his hands, feeling the hot water running down his chest and an aching and obvious reaction to his thoughts a bit further down. Yet another reason not to overindulge: apparently it also brought those deep down memories bubbling back to the surface. It hadn't been this bad, but this was the first time they'd really drank since then. He'd been hesitant last night, he'd half-expected them to talk about the manipulation and the near-death, with the alcohol freeing their tongues. But it had just been Kotetsu being Kotetsu. Boasts and bad jokes and avoiding the subject that was still so sore to both of them.

Steadfastly ignoring the extremely inconvenient physical reaction he was having to these intrusive and troublesome thoughts, he returned to the routine of his shower with renewed determination. Now was not the time for any of this, not with Kotetsu still in his apartment. If he absolutely had to have these thoughts, he'd do it later, when he could...handle them.

Not that thinking about the future solution really helped his current situation.

In fact, by the time he finished his shower, he was worried that Kotetsu might...suspect. But, no, he wouldn't, he'd just make some joke about Barnaby's precise hygiene rituals. Not a raunchy joke about what else might have delayed him. Funny, it was the sort of joke he'd might make anyway, but he was certain that his partner wouldn't say it now, not when he'd already shown signs of distress. As frustrating as the older man was, he was also remarkably well-tuned to his partner's moods, and how he might take a jibe at any given time. Barnaby rarely got truly upset with him anymore. Annoyed, oh he was annoyed frequently, and that only encouraged Kotetsu. But there was a line, and it just wasn't crossed anymore. Well, not since-

Not since that other time they didn't talk about, the skating rink and the overheard conversation and the accusations and the slap. He'd deserved it. He'd been the one who crossed the line that time, and he'd known it when he saw the hurt and anger on Kotetsu's face. But it was another time they didn't talk about. The time when everything started to fall apart.

Barnaby allowed himself to sigh, deeply and ragged with tears of frustration and other pent-up emotions. He really wanted another drink right now, if it could just STOP these thoughts from assaulting him. He knew having more alcohol was a very bad idea, even given the folk remedy it was said to be, but he was starting to get desperate for any sort of respite from his own mind.

Food. Kotetsu was making breakfast. He needed to get dressed and get out there and pretend that everything was okay. He had a lot of practice at that. Maybe he'd even manage to convince his partner.

Secretly, he doubted that.

He finished drying, dressing, and fixing his hair to a more manageable status, trying very hard to not think during these simple tasks that he could practically do on autopilot. He was good at pretending, but this was going to put his skills at maintaining a poised and unruffled exterior to the limit, because he was going to be in the presence of the one person who could see through all of those acts to the true discomfort beneath them. 

This was not turning out to be one of his better days.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Bunny, it's all ready for you,” Kotetsu greeted Barnaby as he walked into the kitchen. Kotetsu was in the process of cleaning up from fixing their breakfast, and two plates of rice were sitting on the countertop, one containing significantly less than the other. Barnaby hazarded a guess that the other man hadn't waited for him before sneaking a bite, or two, or fifteen. He lifted a brow.

“Oh, um. I was hungry, and you were taking a while. Think of it as me tasting it to make sure it was good enough for you, hmm?” Kotetsu did look a bit abashed, and Barnaby felt he had to relent the slightest bit with a faint smile. After all, he had been delayed, dealing with all those intrusive thoughts.

He seated himself at the table and started in on the rice in silence, not fully trusting himself to conversation. His partner didn't seem offended, or assumed he was just that hungry, because he returned to washing the dishes. Considering what Barnaby knew of Kotetsu's own habits, he was surprised and pleased that he'd taken the step to do that rather than leave the dirty dishes sitting out to take care of some nebulous “later.” Which ultimately meant Barnaby taking care of them, like so many other unpleasant tasks Kotetsu left on his shoulders. He was used to it by now, the old man's unreliability, and it was something he worked around, but not having to do so in this situation left him feeling grateful for the thoughtfulness.

And Kotetsu's fried rice was very good. If it wasn't for the hangover and related problems, this would be a very pleasant morning, the two of them in comfortable silence like this.

The dishes cleaned, Kotetsu joined Barnaby at the table with his own half-eaten rice, and their silence continued for a few more minutes. It was only after their food was nearly done that the older man spoke up. “Maybe we should cut back on the drinking.” Barnaby looked up, lifting a brow curiously, and Kotetsu rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, you look like hell, Bunny. Bit less so now that you're cleaned up, but still.”

“Thanks,” he answered wryly, eyes narrowed. He was starting to feel oddly defensive, with Kotetsu taking such interest in his current state. “Hangovers aren't very enjoyable.”

“Tell me something I don't know,” he muttered. “Don't forget, you're not the only one.”

“So you can cut back if you have such a hard time dealing with the consequences, old man.” Barnaby knew he was being unreasonable, but something about the way his partner was getting so concerned about him was really rubbing him the wrong way. Kotetsu's face fell a bit at his tart response, and he instantly felt a pang of regret for rebuffing him like that. And irritated that his own private pity party was getting interrupted by the old man's nosiness once again.

“Ah, maybe I am getting too old for drinking contests...” It sounded like an attempt at levity, like Kotetsu wanted him to believe he was less upset than he was. But he saw through it, and decided not to reply, instead going back to his meal. Or, if he was going to be honest with himself, he was going to sulk.

There was silence again between them, but this was a far less comfortable one than the one before, and the weight of it started bearing down uncomfortably on Barnaby. Finally he sighed softly and spoke up, eyes still fixed on his food. “Maybe you're right. I don't like having holes in my memory.”

He heard Kotetsu make a soft sound of sympathy. “I don't like seeing you so upset, Bunny-chan,” he said in a quiet voice.

Meddlesome old man. Always trying to look out for him. Barnaby allowed himself a small smile as he admitted that he actually found it endearing at the same time he found it aggravating. But the same could be said about Kotetsu in general. Endearing, aggravating, thoughtful, careless... He rose quietly from the chair and took his now-empty plate with him. “Thanks for breakfast, Kotetsu.”

“Glad you liked it.” His voice was subdued, and Barnaby knew he was still worrying about him. He wasn't entirely sure he could continue to handle that right now, not with his thoughts still tending to jumble and his emotions churning unsteadily. 

As he finished rinsing the plate and set it to dry, he looked over his shoulder at his partner. “The shower did help me feel better. It's free now for you, if you want.” Really, he wanted Kotetsu to feel better and stop worrying so much and so obviously. He was not made of spun glass. 

“Ah, assuming I can figure out how to work it.” Kotetsu had finished as well, and was bringing his plate to the sink to rinse.

“It's a shower, old man.”

“Yes, but your apartment!” He waved a hand around, gesturing wildly. “All this latest technology! I try to turn on the lights and I turn on your stereo. You have awful taste in music.”

Barnaby narrowed his eyes. “You're too old-fashioned, and it's your taste in music I have to question.” He tried to remember what playlist was queued up to play on the stereo that Kotetsu may have overheard in his attempt to turn on the lights. “Do I need to show you how to work the shower?”

Kotetsu's expression changed into a leer. “Are you going to stop there?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously.

“Dirty old man.”

“You're offering to shower with me!”

“No, I'm not.”

“Fine, get my hopes up.” He crossed his arms and pouted, then smirked.

Barnaby rolled his eyes. He had to admit that the banter between them was actually improving his mood—except for the part about getting Kotetsu's hopes up. That reminded him a bit too much of where his thoughts had wandered during his own shower. Trying to hide the frustration at the reminder, he tried to play it off as irritation at his partner instead. “Not my fault you can't hear very well.”

“Yes, you're the cute little Bunny with his cute pink ears.” Kotetsu used his hands to mime the attachments of Barnaby's suit. 

Being called “cute” in conjunction with his nickname was actually turning Barnaby's ears pink. “Enough, old man, do you want to take a shower or not?”

Maybe Kotetsu sensed that his partner really needed some space right now, because he stopped with the bad jokes and just chuckled softly. “Ah, fine, you have a point. I'll probably feel better too. Okay, Bunny, I'll try not to break anything when I turn on the shower.”

“Towels in the linen closet next to the bathroom, and please don't leave them on the floor, there's towel racks for a reason,” Barnaby called after him. His answer was a soft laugh as Kotetsu went down the hallway, and a click as the bathroom door closed.

Now alone, Barnaby flopped down into his chair with a deep sigh, neatly avoiding the mess of wine bottles and glasses still left from last night. Things started to seem like they were improving, and then everything started to get unbearable again. Even now, he had the privacy he felt he desperately needed, except that it came with the realization that he was alone with his thoughts again. Thoughts that inevitably went back into the same worn ruts as before.

He groaned. There had to be a way to break out of this hideous cycle. 

Realizing that there wasn't nearly as much light coming in the windows as before, he glanced to the expanse of glass and frowned. Sure enough, dark clouds were rolling in again, now covering the sun above Stern Bild. The storm last night had been very unusual for the time of year, but to be followed by another like this? He wasn't sure what the weather patterns were looking like, and made a note to check into that later. More nighttime storms were not going to make sleeping any easier, especially if he was laying off the alcohol. The dark skies were a good compliment to his current broodiness, however, and he settled back into those thoughts that went drifting deeper into darker places.

If only. If only taking care of the deep-running corruption that had been the source of almost all of the pain in his life had fixed everything. If only he could stop thinking about the fears and doubts from that struggle, and the worry about what to do with his life from here. It was his now, without someone else's sinister script to follow, and as exhilarating as it was to realize his freedom, it also frightened him. He was an adult and yet he felt like a gawky adolescent pretending to be all grown up. Before, he'd had a cause, a reason for every little thing he did. The media appearances, the PR campaigns, the entire business of being a hero. Now....

Now he wasn't even going to have a partner for much longer. If he was completely truthful with himself, their partnership was already over, terminated along with their contracts as heroes with Apollon Media. But habit and familiarity were hard to break, and he kept seeing Kotetsu as his partner in these uncertain days afterward.

Soon Kotetsu would leave, go back to his family in Oriental Town. He was going to be with his daughter, and try to catch up on lost time and live his own life. And really, he had done so much more as a hero than anyone could have ever asked for. He had saved them all, especially Barnaby. He'd more than earned the right to live his life as he saw fit, even if it meant he'd be carving an absence in someone else's life. What did that really matter, though? It wasn't like Barnaby wasn't used to a life lived alone, with no friends, everyone held at arm's length or further, no one allowed to get close to him. Why was he having such a hard time adjusting to the idea of Kotetsu no longer being a constant in his life?

Because he'd already let Kotetsu get close, of course.

But how close? Too close? That would depend on how he defined “too close,” and that brought to mind the thoughts from before, the memories of a very surprising time when he wanted to be closer, feeling more than just his lips...

Dammit. Barnaby glared at an empty wine bottle, as if to blame it for absolutely everything going wrong with his life right now. He wouldn't be feeling this miserable if not for the hangover, and none of these horrible doubts would be plaguing him right now if not for that. Right? He sighed. As much as he wanted to make everything the fault of a vintage Zinfandel, he knew better. The wine had just made it easier for these doubts to come to the surface.

“In vino veritas,” he murmured aloud. 

“What was that, Bunny?”

Well, of course Kotetsu would walk in at that point. Redressed in yesterday's clothes, his hair still slickly wet, his head tilted to the side curiously.

“Nothing,” Barnaby shook his head. “Just thinking out loud. I trust you hung up the towel when you were done?”

He grinned mischievously. “What if I didn't?”

“Then I'd tell you to march back there and make sure you do it.”

“Bossy bossy! Stop glaring at me, I didn't leave the towel on the floor.” A pause. “Though I thought about it.”

Barnaby shook his head slightly. “You thought about being thoughtless. Why am I not surprised.”

Kotetsu sat down on the floor next to Barnaby's chair, tilting his head up to look at him. “Feeling any better?”

He looked away from that concerned gaze. “Not really. The headache is fading though.”

Kotetsu made a sympathetic noise. “At least there's that, hmm?”

“At least,” he agreed, trying to keep his voice from cracking just a little bit. Futile attempt. His partner knew him too well.

“Hey, Bunny. Maybe you should get some more sleep. It might help.”

“I could try. I don't think it would work very well, though.”

“Bunny,” and Kotetsu put his hand on his knee, looking up at him worriedly. “Is it really that bad?”

He had to look away again. “I've had trouble sleeping for a long time. It's just worse recently.”

“Since...Maverick?” 

The name was said carefully, but just hearing it hurt. “Yes.” 

There was silence between them again, vibrating with a growing ache that neither of them seemed willing to address. Kotetsu reached for Barnaby's hand, and for a moment he thought about pulling it out of reach, but it was just a moment of hesitation before he gave in. He'd gotten past a point where physical contact from Kotetsu bothered him, because he had learned that his partner meant it only as a comfort. It seemed easier to just let him do it and assume he was comforting Barnaby in the process, except then that actually became the reality as Barnaby realized he did find the concerned touches reassuring. He harbored a suspicion that it also helped Kotetsu to feel like he was fixing things, but if that was the case, it was far from a primary motive. The man was so ridiculously selfless about matters like that...

Barnaby felt his eyes stinging again. Why now? Why was all of this coming out now, when he was soon to lose his partner? It was only making it more difficult for him. 

For them both?

The silence stretched on, and he realized that Kotetsu wasn't going to fill it with one of his usual subject-changing deflections. He was trying to encourage him to talk. The thought brought another wave of complicated emotions to Barnaby, that this man that he just teased about being thoughtless would do such a thing for him. But wasn't it the sort of thing he'd come to rely on? That Kotetsu was going to be there for him?

And that was part of the problem.

He blurted it out suddenly, and then it was too late to take the words back and pretend it had never happened. “I don't want to lose you.” He regretted it, for all the ways those words could be interpreted, and braced himself for the impact.

“Ah, Bunny...I'm right here. You haven't lost me.” Kotetsu squeezed his hand, smiling up at Barnaby reassuringly..

He shook his head. “I very nearly did, Kotetsu. I thought you died. I thought I lost...everything.”

“Bunny, you haven't lost me,” he repeated, as if a mantra of reassurance.

“But you're retiring, you're moving back with your family.”

A soft chuckle. “That's not losing me. It's still close enough that I can visit. We can still get drunk. Just, ah, not as drunk.”

Was he being dense on purpose? Or was Barnaby just lucky that these stressed confessions weren't being taken the way he truly meant them? He fought back a sigh, and squeezed Kotetsu's hand, refusing to admit to himself that he was trying to memorize the warmth of that touch. “I'll miss you.”

There was a few heartbeats of silence, and then a low sigh from his partner. “I'll miss you too, Bunny. I'll miss all the great things we did together.”

“But you have your family to go to,” Barnaby reminded him, or maybe himself, feeling a burden of guilt. It would be horribly unfair of him to make his life more complicated now just because things were changing beyond his ability to control them. No matter how he felt about it, Kotetsu had other priorities in his life.

“Yeah, but like I said, it's not like I'm going to be gone forever.” Was it his imagination, or was there a thread of sadness running through Kotetsu's voice? “Ah, Bunny, gloomy thoughts in such gloomy weather. There's things to look forward to! Next week, the heroes party! We're still invited, even if we're not heroes any more.”

Barnaby blinked, trying to remember just what this party was. His memory still wasn't completely lucid, so it took him a few moments to recall the information about the New Year's Eve party that Nathan was throwing for all of them—the heroes, and those closest to them, none of the corporate bigwigs for them to impress. And with Nathan in charge, it was sure to be extravagant. “That's right. I did want to go-”

He broke off mid-sentence as he realized that New Year's Eve next week meant Christmas this week. He'd been trying to deny the approach of the holiday for so long, but now the knowledge was in the forefront of his mind, unable to be ignored. 

Christmas. The loss of his parents. The moment when his life ceased being what it was meant to be. The moment when everything slowly started to go wrong. He'd spent it alone before, always alone, always shut off from everyone and everything, but this year everything was so fresh and newly broken and as much as he wanted to pretend he was fine, he hadn't even started to heal.

“Bunny?” The worried voice barely registered. He'd stiffened in the chair, his chest tightening, his breath going shallow and ragged. His hands were shaking, even the hand that was gripping Kotetsu's like a vice. His vision was tunneling, there was a roaring in his ears, and he couldn't, he just couldn't handle any of this, he couldn't face this, it was too horrible and it hurt and he was so tired of hurting, so tired of the ache and the fear that never let him be, never let him have peace-

“Bunny!” And this time it broke through, the shout, the hands on his shoulders shaking him. Barnaby blinked, gasping, his vision coming into focus on Kotetsu hovering over him with eyes wide in panic and fear. “Bunny!”

“Kotetsu,” he gasped, then buried his face in his hands as the tears spilled down his cheeks. 

“Bunny, Bunny, I'm right here, shhh....” Kotetsu was pulling him into an awkward embrace, sliding himself into the chair to hold Barnaby there. In return Barnaby crumpled against him, burying his face against his shoulder and crying raggedly. He heard the older man speaking soft reassurances, but could barely make out the words over his own sobs, and it wasn't even the words that mattered anyway, it was the tone of his voice, the fact that he was speaking to him at all. And the feel of his arms, the way he was stroking his back soothingly, the way he was just letting Barnaby fall apart all over him. The realization only brought a renewed wave of sobs. Comfort he had only just barely started to accept, and he was going to lose all of this, had already almost lost it, and it was all his fault, all his fault for being a burden and drawing everyone into his own problems.

Through it all, Kotetsu still held him, murmuring softly, stroking his hair and his back as if his touch was keeping Barnaby anchored from the maelstrom of overwhelming emotion that had almost drowned him. A lifeline in the darkness of his sudden despair.

Finally he was able to choke back the sobs and get his breathing back under control. He lifted his head, sniffling and wiping his eyes, and realized that somehow in all of that Kotetsu must have removed his glasses for him. 

“Shh, Bunny, it's okay. It's been a rough time for you.”

His head was light and his ears were still roaring, his face felt itchy from the tears. “K-Kotetsu...” he stammered.

“Bunny, it's okay, it sounded like you needed that.” He tightened his embrace for a quick squeeze. “It has been rough, we're just starting to get back on our feet again.”

Shame burned in his cheeks for his utter loss of control, and all of it in front of the person he didn't want to burden when his life was already in such a state of flux. And the only person he could possibly fall apart in front of and feel safe to do so. He fought back a bitter laugh, because it had too much risk of turning into another choked sob. “I'm s-sorry...”

“Shh, I told you, it's okay. I'll keep repeating myself until you believe it.” As Barnaby looked at him with a slightly sheepish expression, Kotetsu smiled reassuringly at him. “You're even lovely when you cry, you know.”

“I... wh-what?”

“You heard me.” The smile turned into a grin. “You're always lovely, Bunny-chan. Even when you cry.”

He couldn't help it, the old man's words were so ridiculous and out of place in the situation that he had to laugh, a weak chuckle that nonetheless turned up the corners of his lips.

“Ahh, there we go,” and the grin broadened. “Even more lovely when you smile.”

And now he felt himself flushing. He had just had a mini breakdown, had sobbed himself halfway-sick in his partner's arms, and now his partner was saying these things that made him smile and blush and feel light-headed for completely other reasons. How had he managed to deserve this? Embarrassed but unwilling to leave the comforting embrace, Barnaby instead hid his face against Kotetsu's shoulder, finding the patch in his shirt he'd made damp with his tears.

“Bunny, Bunny, Bunny...” and he heart a soft chuckle in Kotetsu's chest. “That doesn't mean I want you to hide it from me.”

Finally he found his voice again. “Mmf. Stop that, old man.”

“Stop what? Telling the truth?” Another soft chuckle. “I thought that's what you wanted me to do.”

“Well yes, but-”

“But what?” Kotetsu was grinning again, he could hear it in his voice. “I got you to smile again, didn't I?”

“You did,” he muttered, but he was still smiling despite himself. “Cheap shots.”

“Accomplished what I wanted, though.”

“That's just like you, old man, not worrying about how you do something as long as it gets done. Breaking down buildings in order to catch a bank robber.” He was calming down. He still felt a warm flush of embarrassment and maybe something else, but the choking despair had eased away from his heart.

“Ahh, well, didn't you say I was old-fashioned?”

“Spending most of your paycheck on damage fines is old-fashioned?”

“Well, I guess so.” And before the implications of their banter could settle in, Kotetsu did something that kept Barnaby from thinking too hard about how those times were over. He kissed his tear-streaked cheek.

Barnaby froze, staring at him with eyes going wide. It was just a kiss on the cheek, and yet...

“Oh, Bunny...” Kotetsu's voice sounded thick now, as if his throat was tightening. “You are too beautiful.” He buried one hand in Barnaby's blond curls.

“Wh-what's with all of this?” he demanded suspiciously. “Complimenting me like that, and-and...” He couldn't say “and kissing me.”

Kotetsu's expression turned sad. “I told you, I'm going to miss you too.”

“Dammit, old man, stop that!” he cried. “I just fell apart and you put me back together again, like you've always done before, and now you're trying to brush this off like you always do!”

His eyes widened in hurt, his expression changing to a frown. “Because you've got enough that you're dealing with, and I don't need to add to it!” he shot back defensively. “You said it yourself, you just fell apart, you need me to be there for you-”

“But you won't let me be there for you!” He was feeling heated, his heart was starting to race again. Everything felt so out of control, it was like he couldn't get a handle on anything going on, not his emotions, not his life.

Kotetsu closed his eyes. “And what if I don't need that?”

“Then you're a liar,” he insisted fiercely, grabbing him by the collar. “Dammit, Kotetsu, stop pulling away from me!”

“I'm not-” Except he was doing just that, trying to disengage, trying to put distance between them again.

“Yes, you are, and I'm sick of it!” Barnaby glared at him through eyes that were stinging all over again, and then gave into that impulse, the one that came from deep down inside and had been buried there for so long, but all the volatile emotions had stirred everything up and let it come bubbling to the surface again, and he was going to be the one to let it happen this time. With a firm grip on Kotetsu's collar, Barnaby eliminated the distance between them and pressed his lips angrily against his, kissing him with all the pent-up desire and overwhelming emotion that had brought them to this moment, his tongue invading Kotetsu's mouth even as he pushed him back against the chair and moved to straddle his lap. He wasn't going to let the old man bluff and joke his way out of this, not this time. 

A choked sound escaped Kotetsu, and then suddenly Barnaby found himself being picked up. Fearing that this was a last-ditch attempt to break off this kiss, he gripped him tighter, locking his lips against his, wrapping one leg around Kotetsu to hold himself against his partner. To his surprise Kotetsu didn't try to remove him, but pushed him down to the floor, on his back, with the old man now on top. He growled lowly and pulled away from the kiss, and Barnaby was taken aback by the fierce expression on Kotetsu's face. He'd gone too far, he knew it, and now he was going to ruin everything-

“Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?” he demanded. Barnaby only glared at him defiantly until he scowled. “Damn you, Bunny, you're perfect and beautiful and you make me so angry, and I don't want to leave you!” And now it was Kotetsu kissing Barnaby, fierce and undeterred, pinning him down while his tongue entered his mouth. 

Oh, if that's how the old man was going to play it-! He met him in kind, his own tongue swiping over and around his, and bucking his hips upward against Kotetsu's to let him feel his hardness. Kotetsu broke off the kiss with a gasp, and Barnaby smirked at him defiantly, until his partner scowled again and pressed back, proving that the blond wasn't the only one getting hard from this. “Dirty old man,” he gasped at him. “Getting off from pushing me around!” He used his lower body strength to flip them over, so that now he was the one on top and pinning Kotetsu down. And from this position, his fingers flew down the buttons on Kotetsu's shirt, managing somehow not to pop any of them off in his feverish race to remove his shirt before his partner could stop him. He pulled the shirt open victoriously, his fingers tracing his way over his chest and abs. The old man was in amazing shape, especially for having recently had an extended hospital stay. Barnaby's fingers moved over the scars old and new, but tenderly over the newest, still pink and raised, ugly burns that had yet to fade across his chest. 

“B-Bunny-!” he gasped, and with a sudden guilty pang that he'd hurt his partner, he tore his gaze up to Kotetsu's face. But what he saw there froze him. Kotetsu was staring at him with wide eyes, and in that gaze was fear, worry, and something else that he just refused to believe could possibly be there.

Overcome with shame, Barnaby leaned back, pulling his hands away and using them instead to brace himself against the floor. What the hell had come over him? There would be absolutely no excusing this, not at all. If he thought anything he'd done previously had gone too far, he'd just blown all of that out of the water. Kotetsu would never speak to him again.

He started to rise, but was stopped when Kotetsu grabbed his wrists in a no-nonsense grip. “Bunny,” and his voice was deeper now, rough and gravelly. Barnaby refused to look him in the eyes, but the grip at his wrists was refusing to let him go. “Bunny!”

“I'm sorry,” he said, eyes wrenched closed. It wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.

“Bunny,” and then he was being tugged back down by that grip on his arms. He tensed, then sighed despairingly and gave in. It wasn't like he was going to be able to do or say anything to make up for what he'd just done, so why bother fighting any more? He let Kotetsu pull him down until he was laying atop the older man, against his bare chest. He thought he felt a slight flinch, but the grip had shifted to a hold around his back, leaving him unable to move unless he struggled—and struggling now would probably hurt Kotetsu. 

“Bunny, Bunny...” his partner repeated, his voice soft. Barnaby shivered, his head turned away and resting against Kotetsu's shoulder, bracing himself for whatever was to come next that would remove him from his life. “I think there's some things we need to talk about.”

He hadn't expected that. His eyes stinging all over again, he muttered, “What's there to talk about?”

“What's there to talk about?” Kotetsu repeated in surprise. “I think there's a hell of a lot to talk about, and I think you know it, and I think we better do it now.”

“You think so, old man?” He couldn't help the acerbic barb. He was far too shaken up, and the defense had come on autopilot.

“Ah, Bunny...” A soft sigh. “Come on. Let's get up and talk this over. Now.”

Gritting his teeth, Barnaby nodded once, pushing himself up. Kotetsu's arms around him loosened to allow him to rise, and as he got to his feet, he self-consciously held out a hand to help the older man up. Kotetsu's expression betrayed nothing but a flicker of gratitude at that gesture as he accepted the offer. On his feet, he produced Barnaby's glasses from—somewhere. Relieved they hadn't been broken in the whatever-the-hell that had happened, he accepted them and slid them back into place, darting an insecure glance at his partner. Kotetsu motioned over at the couch, the one Barnaby had purchased after he kept complaining that his apartment was so bare and there was nowhere comfortable to sit. Fortunately it was big enough for them to sit at opposite ends and not be too close, because right now he wanted to be as far away as he could. Nodding, he took a place at one end, trying not to watch out of the corner of his eye as Kotetsu flopped down on the other, his shirt still fluttering open over his bare chest.

There was no way this was not going to be awkward.


	4. Chapter 4

Barnaby stared at the floor from his end of the couch, refusing to look at Kotetsu directly. Hot shame—and the remnants of something else that had bubbled up and taken over—made his face flushed and heated. What the hell had come over him, acting like that? There was no way he could try to explain this away as stress, remnants of the alcohol, momentary lapse of common sense. He'd just done something so utterly line-crossing, and he'd been completely aware of it at each step. So now he was going to have a terrible conversation with the only person he trusted enough to truly call a friend, and based on what he had done, he deserved nothing less than losing that friendship.

“Bunny...” Kotetsu sighed. Barnaby dared only to look at him out of the corner of his eyes, and then only briefly. “It's been a rough time lately, hasn't it?”

He nodded mute agreement, tensed warily for what was to come. What Kotetsu said was true, but where was he going with this, and why was he dragging this out?

Another soft sigh prefaced his next words. “I don't think any of us are really recovered.”

That only reminded Barnaby of the still-tender burns across Kotetsu's chest and abdomen, burns he could see out of the corner of his eyes thanks to the way he'd torn open his partner's shirt. And it reminded him of what the old fool had done to save them all. He'd been so close to losing him for good... He swallowed. Only to treat him like this.

Kotetsu seemed to be waiting for him to say something, but when he offered no reply, he sighed and went on, filling the silence himself. “It's hard to deal with tough situations. Everyone handles them differently. And some of the ways aren't very helpful.” There was a distance in the old man's voice, and Barnaby winced inwardly. No, what he'd done certainly hadn't been helpful. “But I think it's because we don't always know better. We don't want to be a problem. We don't want to look weak or helpless. We... well, I think you get the picture.” He gestured weakly and then sighed again. “I've made a lot of mistakes in how I tried to deal with tough situations. And I made a mess of things more often than I made things better. Mostly when I was trying to make things better.”

Barnaby blinked. Apologies and admissions of wrongdoing didn't come easily to Kotetsu, he knew this from experience. He'd bluff or make some excuses or try to change the subject when confronted, digging in his heels and digging himself into deeper trouble. Is that what he was trying to say right now? “I've noticed,” he murmured softly, as he sensed the silence was awaiting some sort of acknowledgment from him.

The old man made a soft sound, maybe a snort, maybe a weak half-chuckle. “Thought you might. Ah, Bunny...” He shifted his position on the other end of the couch. “I'm not very good with words, either. But I can see that you're still hurting. You haven't recovered. And,” his voice got stronger, stressing his words, “that does not mean you're not good enough.”

Another blink. Why was he being like this? Why was he reassuring Barnaby instead of telling him off for the incredibly inappropriate things he had just done? 

“I think... I think maybe you didn't get to hear that very much. I know I didn't tell Kaede enough... I know she felt like the reason I wasn't around was because I didn't make her worth my time.”

“But she knows better now,” Barnaby objected, looking up at Kotetsu. He was very determined not to let him feel more of a guilty burden over his family when it was so obvious how much of what he did was motivated by his love for them.

The older man was smiling sadly at him. “She knows the truth now, but I never told her, because I didn't want her to worry. It doesn't make what I did right. It doesn't go back and change all those times she thought her papa didn't come see her because he didn't want to, even if he was busy being a hero.”

Ouch. Barnaby stared down at his hands again. “I think she forgives you,” he said softly, feeling uncomfortable at the vulnerability Kotetsu was displaying in saying these things so openly. 

“I hope you're right, Bunny. But that's what I'm trying to say to you here. You think that now that she knows better, she feels less upset at me for the way I acted when I didn't know a better way to do things, right?” He paused, waiting for the nod that Barnaby slowly gave. “Then I want you to believe that about yourself. That you did things the best way you knew how, and even if things didn't go well, it doesn't mean you were a bad person for not doing it another way instead.”

Again the tears welled in his eyes. “You think this was me doing it the best I could?” he demanded, willing his voice to stay even and calm.

“Yes,” was the surprising answer. Or maybe not so surprising, given how patient he'd proven himself to be when his patience was needed most. “Because you're still recovering. So you aren't at your very best.”

It was almost insulting, and probably would have been, if Barnaby wasn't already loathing himself so much. He made every point of performing at his very best in any situation, and failing to do so now was what had led to this horrible chain of events.

Kotetsu sighed into the silence again. “Bunny. Please believe me.”

“Why? Why are you doing any of this, Kotetsu?”

“Because we're both very good at not talking. And we need to talk about this. If we don't talk now, we never will.”

“I thought you'd prefer that, after what I did.” He couldn't hide all the bitterness and pain in those words. The heavy weight of despair was bearing down on him again.

“What makes you think that?” He honestly sounded surprised, and Barnaby looked up at him to make sure he was reading him right. “I'm still here because we need to talk.”

He swallowed. “You could leave, though. And never talk to me again. It'd make things easier. You're retiring, so am I, we're not partners anymore.” There was no mistaking the flash of pain those last words inflicted on Kotetsu, and he immediately regretted it. It seemed there would be no end to the ways in which he'd be terrible to the one person who deserved it least. 

“Do you want that?” he asked softly.

“Does it matter what I want? After what I did?”

Kotetsu's gaze hardened. “Yes, Bunny, it does matter. It matters a lot, because I don't think you've ever gotten the chance to do what you wanted, instead of what—what someone else said you should do.”

Barnaby froze, feeling that tightness in his chest again. As he tried to concentrate on keeping himself calm, the words trickled into his awareness, and he had to admit as he examined them that the old man was completely right. The realization gave him almost a giddy sense of lightheadedness, which balanced terribly with the weight he felt on his heart.

“So, do you want that?” Kotetsu repeated with soft insistence.

“I... no. No, I don't want that.” Was it his imagination, or did his answer make Kotetsu almost imperceptibly relieved?

“Good, because I don't, either.”

He closed his eyes to force the tears back. “How could you not? After what I just did?”

“Bunny... You really think it was that bad? Oh, of course you must, if you're beating yourself up for it like this.” He heard Kotetsu sigh. “Bunny, I don't hate you.” Hearing the words spoken so plainly was like a physical blow, leaving him reeling but taking away some of the pain he felt. He had to sit back against the couch for support. “And I'm guessing you thought I did.”

“There's no excusing what I did,”

“No, that's what I've been trying to tell you. Maybe you didn't act the best and what you say and do now doesn't take it back, but it isn't so bad that I hate you. Or for you to hate yourself. I'm your partner and I say that you shouldn't hate yourself.” There was a soft pause. “Heh. I guess I'll always think of us as partners. I really am old-fashioned.”

Barnaby swallowed against the lump in his throat. “But what about...what I did to you?” he ventured, fearful that the reminder would be the last straw, and hopeful that maybe there would be redemption for him after all.

“Oof. That. Ahh, now you've got me.” The old man sounded so uncertain that Barnaby looked up at him in alarm, and was utterly bewildered to see that Kotetsu looked...abashed? “I think I used up all my smartest words already and now I can't talk about that without stumbling over what I'm trying to say. But...” He paused, and Barnaby couldn't believe what he was seeing. Kotetsu, blushing, refusing to meet his gaze in a way that could only be called _shy_. “But I said...things, before you did any of that,” he said haltingly. “And I did...something. You were feeling all mixed up, I wanted to make you feel better, and I... I made you even more confused. I'm sorry, Bunny.”

That... No. That wasn't right. That sounded like he started to say one thing but then said something else that seemed easier. He was ignoring his own advice about digging himself in deeper and he was only going to regret it. Barnaby frowned and decided he wasn't going to let the old man do that. “I don't think that's all.”

“Bunny,” and now Kotetsu's voice sounded a bit strained.

He continued, undeterred. “I think there's more to it you're not saying because you think it'd be better if you didn't. And I think you're a hypocrite.”

“This is different!”

“How? How is it different? How are you the exception, that saying what's really going on would make things worse instead of better?” He was glaring at him now, resolute that he was going to get to the bottom of this. Even though it was making him ache with guilt all over again to see the discomfort on Kotetsu's face.

“Because....because it'll ruin everything.”

“And what I did to you didn't?”

“No, but-”

“So instead of talking we're going to pretend it didn't happen?”

“No, I don't-”

He sat up straight, fixing Kotetsu with the full force of his stare. “Stop making excuses, old man. If I didn't ruin anything with the stupid things I just did, then whatever you're going to say won't ruin it either.”

“You don't even know what it is, you can't be so sure about that!” Kotetsu was glaring back at him now, hurt and defensive, and Barnaby felt another pang of guilt for what he was putting him through, even though he knew it had to be done. He refused to let his partner do this to himself again.

“Try me!”

“You sound so sure of yourself! So sure that you know what's right! Isn't that how you always are, always right about everything, until you're wrong, wrong, wrong!”

“I said _try me_ , old man! If I didn't ruin it, neither will you!”

“Oh yeah? What if I tell you it's because I love you?”

His heart stopped. It skipped a beat. It wasn't working quite right, it was fluttering and his throat was tight and he couldn't tear his eyes off of Kotetsu. Kotetsu, who suddenly realized the words that he'd blurted out, whose face was turning pale. Kotetsu, his partner, even when they weren't partners any more, the person he trusted most, the person who went out of his way to make things better for him, the person who had held him while he sobbed, who slept next to him in his bed if that would help him sleep better, who made him fried rice in the morning, who told him _I don't want to leave you!_

Barnaby slumped back against the couch and took a deep breath, staring at the window and steeling himself to be calm. “I'm going to assume that question wasn't hypothetical.”


	5. Chapter 5

There was a quiet roaring in Barnaby's ears that only emphasized the silence between them. At the other end of the couch, Kotetsu had buried his face in his hands, making his mood difficult to read, but Barnaby ventured a guess that the old man probably felt horrific. He wasn't even speaking, likely because he knew there was no taking back or explaining away the words he'd blurted out in that heated heartbeat of time. 

What a turn of events this was. What an absolute reversal of where they had just been. The absurdity of the situation made the corners of Barnaby's lips twitch upward despite himself. To go from certain he'd ruined their friendship, to being the recipient of that sudden exclamation...! Well. Now to work through this. He felt his heart fluttering again, along with a warm flood of certainty that this mess they'd gotten into could be handled if they just examined the problem appropriately. Yes. He had a handle on this now. A solution would be found and everything would be worked out.

“So. Assuming that it wasn't hypothetical. Maybe you should clarify what you mean.”

Kotetsu's answer was a muffled, choked sound that sounded equal parts worried groan, incredulous laugh, and pained whimper.

He turned toward the old man, tilting his head with an expectant expression. “That doesn't give me much to go on.”

Now Kotetsu lifted his head from his hands, staring at him disbelievingly. His face was still pale, something Barnaby noted with concern. “You want me to...to clarify?”

“Yes,” he said patiently, even as his heart continued to flutter an exhilarated pattern against his chest. “You were the one who said we need to talk, and I don't think that's changed now. So, what do you mean?”

“I...” Kotetsu rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the floor, the window, anywhere but at his partner. “I mean, you're important to me, Bunny.”

He nodded slowly, trying to look encouraging, even if Kotetsu was avoiding looking at him. “We're partners, so that makes sense.”

“Eh, yeah...partners...” He still looked stricken. “You're so important to me that...that I want you to be happy, no matter what.”

Barnaby leaned back slightly, taking in those words. His cheeks were starting to flush, an odd feeling under the itch of the dried tears. “You've done a lot to make me happy, Kotetsu.”

There was a flicker of emotion across his face at the use of his name. Barnaby remembered, from that dark moment, that confession of how much it meant to his partner when he first called him by his name. “Yeah, and...and you too, Bunny. We...really make a great team.”

“We really do,” he agreed, his voice quiet and prompting.

“So I.... I want you to be happy. You deserve it.”

He flushed deeper. “So do you.”

Kotetsu waved a hand weakly. “Nah, I'm... I'm okay, as long as you're okay.”

Barnaby considered his words very carefully, trying to nudge the old man into saying what he really meant. “We could go around in circles with that sentiment for a while and never get anything settled. It sounds like we agree that we're important to each other. But that wasn't exactly what you said.”

“No, not really...” He sounded sheepish now.

He scooted further down the couch, closer to Kotetsu, with the knowledge that things were very delicate and there was incredible potential humming around the both of them. This required delicacy and straightforwardness in just the right balance. Just out of arm's reach, he studied his partner, the still-open shirt, the scruffy beard with a new day's worth of stubble, the mussed hair dried in a state of mild disaster, the soft brown eyes filled with concern. Taking a soft breath against the sudden jangle of nerves tightening his throat, he spoke again. “So when you said that, do you mean...that you want to be with me?”

Those soft brown eyes fixed on him now, widening, as his mouth opened in a muted expression of surprise. “Bunny...”

He set his jaw, determined not to try to hide from this. “Well, old man?”

Kotetsu's face looked on the verge of crumpling. “You mean more to me than almost anyone, I can't- I can't make things more complicated for you.”

“That's not an answer.”

“Bunny...” Pleading now.

“No, Kotetsu. We've both managed to complicate things very well for each other, I think we can withstand a few more complications. And I want to hear it. Do you-” His voice failed him, and he had to swallow and start again. “Do you want to be with me?”

The look on Kotetsu's face made his heart ache, it was such a beautiful mix of fear and worry and hope and disbelief, a pain unlike any pain he'd ever seen him bear. His mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments before he managed to make his reply, and the words made Barnaby's heart ache even more. “More than anything, Bunny.”

He closed his eyes with a satisfied smile, taking a deep breath and feeling his heart trembling and near bursting in excitement. “Good. Because I want that too. I-” He forced the words past his failing voice, certain now that they were the right ones. “I love you.”

“Bunny...!” The breathless exclamation of his name made him feel slightly dizzy as it rushed over him. He opened his eyes to see Kotetsu closing the distance between them, and then his arms were around him, and he melted eagerly into the embrace as he lifted his head for their lips to meet.

The kiss was tender, so tender, soft and lingering and so wonderful, beyond any of his secret daydreams, and Barnaby realized with surprise that Kotetsu was holding back in order to keep it a gentle and tender kiss. All things considered, maybe that was a good idea, because it seemed what they needed now was a kiss to enjoy every beautiful moment. He could feel him smiling, as their kiss became another, and then another.. He cupped his hand against his cheek, running a thumb along his jawline. He felt Kotetsu's fingers twining tenderly in his hair, urging him closer still, until he had climbed up into his partner's lap and was pressing himself gently against him, aware even in this moment of the still-tender scars his partner bore. And there it was again, that deep-down long-buried desire, bubbling again to the surface, but he refused to let it get the better of him, instead just letting it be known in those tiny gestures, the swipe of his tongue, the press of his hardness against his hip, the soft noises of pleasure in his throat as they continued to kiss.

It was a beautiful eternity that came to an end too soon as their lips parted, and Barnaby found that they were now tucked up against the arm of the couch, with Kotetsu leaning back and holding him in his arms. Now oriented, he removed his glasses to place on the end table, then snuggled himself up against Kotetsu, nuzzling his face against his neck and breathing softly. “You were right. We did need to talk.”

He heard and felt Kotetsu's warm laugh, felt the rush of dizzying pleasure that it gave him to hear him laugh like that, and he felt a smile forming that was almost embarrassing in its brilliance. He kept it buried against Kotetsu's neck, out of sight, sighing in contentment at the hand stroking gently through his hair. “And you were right, I would have been a hypocrite not to talk about this.”

“Mmm. I think you made up for it in your actions afterward.” He was giddy, he almost wanted to laugh, but he kept it to a breathy chuckle instead, punctuated by a kiss to Kotetsu's jawline.

“I liked that part,” Kotetsu admitted, his voice taking on an endearing shy tone.

“Good. We'll have to do it again sometime.” His dry comment was met with another of those warm laughs that made him tingle all the way down to his toes. How long had his partner had this effect on him? How long had he been denying it to himself? Barnaby tried to think back and figure out how long he'd been oblivious to his own heart, then wrote it off as pointless to worry about right now. Now was for this incredible moment between the two of them that made him feel the happiest he could remember in his life.

“Bunny,” and his partner was murmuring his name again, and he had to admit to himself that he didn't just put up with the nickname when he was in a good mood, he adored it, especially when Kotetsu said it like that. “I've been such a fool.”

“You're not going to take all the blame for this,” he objected softly. “We're a team, and we're both fools. But now we can start to fix that.”

“If that was your idea of fixing it...” Kotetsu's voice trailed off suggestively.

“Oh,” he said airily, “I have some other ideas, too.” And not to be outdone in suggestiveness, he arched his hips against Kotetsu, to make sure his partner felt what exactly this close contact was doing to him.

It elicited a gasp from Kotetsu, much to his delight. “Bunny!”

“I know you're not too old to be able to handle that,” he smirked, knowing what the sense of challenge was going to do to him.

“Ohhh, I think I can handle it,” he answered, his voice thick with something Barnaby just knew was an amazed longing. He knew, because he felt it himself.

“Good,” and Barnaby snuggled himself back into that comfortable embrace. “Then you have something to look forward to.”

Kotetsu made a choking sound, and Barnaby was glad his face was hidden and not giving away his smirk. “Tease,” his partner accused.

“I'm still suffering the after-effects of the hangover, which means I'm not at my best,” he explained patiently and gently, shifting his position to one slightly more comfortable, and also slightly more on top of Kotetsu. “And when it comes to this...I definitely want to be at my best.”

He heard and felt Kotetsu make a noise that was both sigh and gasp. But then those hands were stroking through his hair again, gentle and lingering. In a halting voice, he said, “I should just be grateful you want...that.”

To answer him, Barnaby kissed the hollow of his neck, just above his collarbone. “Believe me,” he breathed. “I do.”

Kotetsu's arms tightened around him, and he felt that gentle twine of fingers through his hair again, right at the nape of his neck. “Then I suppose I'd better plan to stay the night again,” he murmured.

The idea gave Barnaby a thrill. Stay the night. With all the exciting implications that he had been so worried about the night before. “I'd accuse you of having planned this,” he said with a smirk in his voice, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his partner's chest.

“Ah, Bunny...” A soft sigh. “I've wanted to say something. But I hid it in stupid jokes. I just didn't want to risk our friendship. Especially if it was just me being a dirty old man.”

He felt his brows lift in surprise at Kotetsu's admission. So his partner had been harboring feelings for a while? How interesting. He resisted the urge to dig deeper into that, sensing that the gentle perfection of his moment needed to be carefully maintained if it was to continue. Instead, he shifted his position, moving a bit further up to place a soft series of kisses along Kotetsu's jawline, pausing at his ear to murmur softly, “I think I'm the lucky one.”

“Mmf.” A quietly strangled noise, a shift of Kotetsu's hips, then a soft chuckle. “No, I'm the lucky one...to have a partner like you...”

Barnaby gazed into those eyes, fighting back a shiver of reaction to the emotion he saw there. Was it just his imagination, or did “partner” take on a new meaning? Or had it been that way for a while? Another thing to think on later, he decided. Now was for enjoying this revelation and the intimacy it permitted. His lips sought Kotetsu's for another chain of soft, lingering kisses, and it was an electric feeling of rightness when Kotetsu was kissing him in return. How odd, that this felt so very right, and not at all awkward for him to be engaged in kiss after tender kiss with Kotetsu. No, not odd at all. They were, after all, the very best team. This was just another facet of that. A very wonderful facet.

A soft rumble of thunder startled Barnaby out of their gentle exchange, and he turned his head to blink toward the window. Without his glasses, he wasn't able to make out much, but from the darkening of the room it seemed the storm that threatened earlier had finally rolled in. Again Kotetsu was stroking a hand through his hair soothingly, and he smiled and turned back, placing a soft touch of his lips against the corner of his mouth. “Good thing we don't have anywhere to be,” he murmured.

“I'd make excuses for us not to go, even if we did,” Kotetsu replied. “Even if it wasn't storming. But the storm makes for a good cover story, just in case.” 

“Mmm,” Barnaby agreed, listening to the soft patter of rain starting to fall. The storm last night had been one of turbulent emotion, jangled nerves, overwhelming uncertainty. But now, in daytime, so many of those fears had been melted away, and now this storm was simply the message of promise for the renewal it would bring behind it. He loved the way the world became softer at the edges after a rain, the way that the grass and leaves seemed an even more vibrant green. Lazily he thought of a walk with Kotetsu, and he could almost smell the scent of the rain. The thought of sharing one of his calming little rituals with his partner rang with rightness. Maybe they could go stargazing too...

He was drifting, and surprised that he was drifting. Then again, he had a sleep deficit to make up, and it had been a rather emotionally exhausting morning. But still, to be so comfortable as to start falling asleep here? Well, maybe he shouldn't question it too much. Sleepiness was sleepiness. He shifted a bit. “Comfortable?” he asked.

“I have you laying on me, what do you think?” Kotetsu retorted, giving him a lopsided grin. “Though some parts aren't quite as comfortable as others...”

“Idiot. I want to know if you're comfortable because if you are, I'm going to fall asleep. If you're not, I'll move.”

Kotetsu's brows raised, and then a tender smile replaced the surprise. “Ahh, Bunny...” His voice was thick with emotion, and he sighed as if to release some of that tension, his arms wrapping around him to give another gentle embrace. “Stay. I'll be fine. More than fine.”

Barnaby smiled back, making a last adjustment to his position draped across Kotetsu and snuggling his head against his shoulder. As he closed his eyes, he felt that gentle caress of Kotetsu's hand through his hair and down, coming to rest at the small of his back. The touch gave him a sense of being anchored safely, and he sighed in contentment and allowed himself to start drifting off, his thoughts a blurred haze of warmth and light. Worries were for later. Now was for appreciating the quiet perfection of what they now shared, no matter how rough the road had been.

After all, there needed to be rain before there could be a rainbow.


	6. Chapter 6

Consciousness returned slowly to Barnaby as he awoke in no rush. He'd been having the most wonderful dream, and he wanted to savor what remained of it before wakefulness distorted the memories beyond easy recollection. Even now the details were running away, like water slipping through his fingers. He'd been happy, though. So very happy.

He blinked his eyes open, confused at the unexpected surroundings. Did he fall asleep on the couch again? Usually if he fell asleep out here, it was in his chair, as the couch was really more for Kotetsu's benefit than his—an addition he'd made as a tiny symbol of how he was allowing his partner into his private life. 

Then he became aware of the arms wrapped loosely around him, and the throaty murmur of a very familiar voice in his ear. “Good morning, Bunny-chan. Well, evening.”

_Kotetsu._

He was laying atop Kotetsu. 

_It wasn't a dream._

A warm flush came to his cheeks as he lifted his head up and found himself gazing into his partner's eyes. No. It wasn't a dream. Or if it was, he was still dreaming, and very lucidly at that. He saw the lines in Kotetsu's face crinkle into a smile, and as the recipient of that smile, he couldn't help but smile back, feeling a rush of pleasure tingling through him. He wasn't entirely sure what the proper protocol was for “just woke up from a nap on your partner's chest after confessing your romantic interest in him,” but he was fairly confident he could wing it. Besides, with his lips so close to Kotetsu's, there was one very tempting prospect for what to do next.

It was a soft kiss, hardly more than their lips meeting and mingling in languid contentment, but it did mean this was becoming one of his favorite ways to wake up. As he drew back with a soft breath of a laugh, he felt Kotetsu hug him closer. “I could get used to that.”

“Mmm, I was just thinking the same,” Barnaby admitted, becoming aware that the comfort he felt was mostly on the emotional side of things, and that sleeping in this unusual position had made him feel a bit stiff. Must be worst for the old man, but of course Kotetsu hadn't breathed a word of complaint, so he'd have to be the one to take care of the situation. With one last quick brush of his lips to his partner's, he started to rise, pushing himself up with the leverage of the back of the couch and easing down into a sitting position on the floor. 

Kotetsu had released him from his embrace as he moved, and now sat up himself, moving with care that betrayed more than just a few twinges of stiffness. He must have noted Barnaby studying him, because he grinned a bit sheepishly. “I didn't want to wake you.”

“Idiot,” he said with a smile. “You could have. Should have, if you were getting uncomfortable.”

“And let that end earlier? Not a chance, Bunny-chan.” 

He felt his cheeks flush again, and he ducked his head to try to hide the expression, even though he knew that would only give it away. Self-consciously he ran a hand through his hair. Not terribly mussed, considering how he'd been sleeping. 

He pushed himself to his feet, then climbed back into a place on the couch next to Kotetsu. He paused there. Should he move closer? He'd like to. It felt wonderful to be close to him and he certainly hadn't gotten his fill of that feeling just yet. But should he? Torn with indecision over what would be the right thing to do, he had the matter taken out of his hands as Kotetsu looped an arm over his shoulder and pulled him close. He smiled softly as he was tugged into an embrace, glad to have that matter settled. He'd always suspected (hoped?) that Kotetsu would be rather affectionate. To his own surprise, he didn't mind this at all. Especially since they were in a much better position now to continue that kissing they'd started before. He turned toward his partner.

Kotetsu made a pleased sound in his throat as Barnaby sought his lips again while sliding one hand from his shoulder to the back of his neck. His partner responded just as eagerly as he could hope, sliding his fingers through his hair and drawing him closer. Barnaby smiled in the kiss, knowing that Kotetsu was still holding back. He decided to show him that won't be necessary any more. 

As their lips mingled again, he caught Kotetsu's lower lip and nipped gently, eliciting a soft gasp from his partner, and with Kotetsu's mouth open in that gasp, Barnaby slid his tongue in, seeking, tasting, wanting. The hand laced through his hair balled into a fist, and there was another of those throaty sounds of pleasure as his partner responded to this change of protocol. Kotetsu's tongue was sliding against his now, still a bit hesitant, as if waiting for any sign that he was going to change his mind. Touched and reassured, Barnaby only renewed his fervor, climbing into his partner's lap and sliding his hands down his shoulders, pushing down the sleeves of his shirt.

It might have taken Kotetsu by surprise, but the old man responded quickly, releasing his hold on Barnaby just long enough to slip his arms free of the sleeves, and then sliding his hands down his partner's back to the bottom of his shirt. Barnaby shivered at the electricity of his touch, especially when his fingers lifted the hem and brushed the bare skin beneath. He felt Kotetsu try to pull back from the kiss so that he could lift the shirt over his head, but he insisted on first getting in a few more nips on his bottom lip, delighting in the contrast of his soft lips and the roughness of his beard. Then Kotetsu was pushing him back commandingly, and he found himself willingly giving in and pulling away so that his shirt could be removed up and over his head. A brief moment passed for them to gaze at each other in their shirtless states, and then Barnaby was straddling Kotetsu's lap, demanding more of those open-mouthed kisses from his partner, and his partner delivered them, his hands now tracing tingling patterns with his fingertips down Barnaby's back and making him shiver in anticipation. He allowed himself only a gasp to break the kiss, as his position on Kotetsu's lap was making him fully aware of just what he was doing to the old man, and he wanted to continue getting that reaction, to the point that Kotetsu just might realize he wanted to do something about it.

It didn't take much longer of those tongue-caressing kisses before Kotetsu moved his hands to Barnaby's belt, deftly unbuckling it and urging him with insistent caresses to adjust his position and make his jeans easier to unfasten. Barnaby's heart was racing as he complied, bracing himself against the back of the couch as Kotetsu's hand slid into his pants and sought his hardness. He had to break off the kiss with a choked moan when his partner found it, his fingers curling around his length and his thumb teasing the head with delicate circling touches. He fought the urge to buck his hips into his partner's hand, because he wanted far more than just a hand job, he wanted everything his partner was willing to give. He hoped Kotetsu knew it, he hoped the old man wouldn't try to hold back now. How much more obvious could he make it?

Much more, he realized with a flash of realization through the delicious red haze of his lust. So many of the times things had gone wrong between them had been because they hadn't talked to each other. It followed that the right thing to do here was to make his desires unmistakeable and spoken. He broke away from the kiss, resting his forehead against his partner's, and panted deeply as he remembered how to speak. The words came out in a hoarse voice he hardly recognized as his own. “I want you, Kotetsu.”

Brown eyes widened, and the hand curled around his cock tensed its grip in a way that made him gasp. “You're sure?” came the throaty response, a voice aching with so much need that it made Barnaby feel a sympathetic pang in resonance.

“I'm sure,” he gasped, punctuating the words with another kiss. “More than anything, I want you, I love you,”

“Oh, Bunny...” and Kotetsu was tugging at his jeans now, encouraging Barnaby to get up to pull them down and kick them off. 

He pushed Kotetsu back against the couch for another deep kiss, cupping his cheek and brushing away a tear that had slid free from his eyes, but slid free of the hands that were seeking to hold him again. “No, old man, you heard me,” he chastised. “I want you.” And he raised a brow meaningfully.

His partner stared at him with his mouth round as comprehension dawned. “Why, Bunny, I had no idea you were so sure of what you wanted in bed,” he joked weakly, as if in attempt to hide his astonishment.

“Then prepare for some surprises, old man,” he returned. “Though perhaps you have a point, and we should move this to the bedroom. It'd be more comfortable.”

Kotetsu grinned at him, though it was a grin that didn't hide the beautiful mix of surprised and pleased emotions on his face. Barnaby found himself having to give a soft laugh, and with one last swift kiss, he stood back up and held his hand out to his partner. He took it, once more moving with care, but this time the reason was very obvious as he winced and adjusted his pants. 

“You wouldn't have that problem if you weren't wearing any,” Barnaby chided, tugging him toward the bedroom.

The old man laughed. “You're not exactly giving me time to fix that,” he retorted as he followed, catching himself from stumbling in his eagerness.

He flashed a grin over his shoulder, his heart racing in excitement. “Bedroom first, then take them off,” he decided for him.

“Bossy bossy!” but Kotetsu was still laughing, and once they were in the bedroom, he started on step two. 

Barnaby grabbed him by the hips and moved his hands away, overcome by the urge to do the undressing himself. He pulled the pants down slowly, crouching as he did, so that once his partner was able to step out of them, he was getting an eyeful of his erection. It was too tempting, and Barnaby slid his hand around the base of his cock, running his tongue along the bottom of the shaft to the tip. He heard Kotetsu gasp and felt him tense, his hardness pulsing in his grip. “Bunnn-nyyyy...” he groaned, one hand sliding into his hair and pushing him back toward him. He hadn't counted on that. Fighting a smile, he touched his lips to the head and kissed softly, then slid his tongue down as he took Kotetsu's cock into his mouth, tasting in that languid stroke of his tongue, teasing as he drew back with his teeth lightly dragging along the top. The hand in his hair clenched into a fist, and he heard the old man's gasps over the roar rising in his ears. He sucked again, his lips sliding further down the shaft, making notes to himself of how he'd have to learn to relax to later be able to take even more of his partner into his mouth. For now he enjoyed this brief taste, his tongue caressing from the shaft to the tip as he pulled back and released him.

He stood then, and Kotetsu seized him, crushing his lips down onto his and forcing his tongue into his mouth. Eagerly he responded, thrilled at the reaction he was getting from his partner, pressing their lengths together and slowly pushing Kotetsu back toward the bed. The old man stumbled as the back of his legs found the mattress, and Barnaby caught him from an awkward fall with a soft laugh, kissing him before he could stammer in embarrassment and then pushing him into a more controlled fall onto the bed. Kotetsu scooted his body up the bed and Barnaby climbed atop him, pinning him with another deep kiss as he slid his hands down his chest. His thumbs drifted over his partner's nipples, and he heard another of those throaty moans of pleasure in response to his exploration. Noting that for later use, he moved his hands further down, until he had wrapped one hand along Kotetsu's length and was cradling his balls with the other. Now he let his fingers work, teasing the head again with his thumb and dragging down the beads of precum. And as much fun as he was having teasing Kotetsu's mouth with his tongue, he was eager to taste more of his partner's skin, so he broke away from his lips in order to kiss down his jawline, to his neck, planting more kisses at his collarbone as he stroked his cock.

It seemed his touch had shocked Kotetsu into inaction, but suddenly his partner was passive no longer, and as Barnaby was kissing his neck, he was kissing his cheek, and then moving to his ear, where he nibbled delicately and made the blond gasp. “K-Kotetsu!” His answer was a throaty laugh and more of the same, teasing brushes of teeth and tongue against a spot he had no idea would make him feel so weak in the knees. The old man seemed to delight in this knowledge and continued to see just how many different gasps he could draw out of Barnaby just with different combinations of attentions to his earlobe, and Barnaby had to groan and fight fiercely to keep his growing need from overwhelming him. As a sharp nip made his vision go momentarily white, he decided he'd had enough of Kotetsu's teasing. He released his grip and reached for the bedside table, pulling open a drawer for the bottle inside, and then slicking their cocks with the cool lube. Kotetsu made a wordless moan, and he stroked his partner's length with intensity now, fingers sliding wetly along his shaft.

“Bunny, are you-” He cut off with a gasp as Barnaby's hand moved further down, two fingers circling his entrance to wet it with the lube. He lifted his head to look at his partner's face, overwhelmed by the burning lust he saw in his expression, and the cast of surprise.

“I told you I want you, Kotetsu,” he repeated, his throat tight and making his voice hoarse. He shifted his position under Kotetsu's drawn-up legs, pressing the head of his cock against his partner's readied entrance. “Do you want me?”

There was a heartbeat of silence. Then Kotetsu stammered, “Fffuck, yes, Bunny, fuck me,” and that was all he needed. With one steady thrust, he entered his tight ass, a moan escaping him at the sensation as he buried himself in his partner. He stayed there, fighting to stay still, to let Kotetsu relax, wondering in a distant part of his mind if his partner had any experience at this. He wasn't going to admit it now, but Barnaby didn't, only what he had seen and read and an analytical mind that put the pieces together. It seemed to be serving him well so far, because now Kotetsu was grabbing him by his hips and urging him to _move_. 

He complied with his partner's demands, starting a slow rhythm to share between them. He arched over him, eagerly accepting the embrace of his arms, and finding his lips in order to have the beautiful sensation of kissing his partner while fucking him. The gasps and moans his touches had drawn from Kotetsu were the very best encouragement, and the thought that he was the reason his partner was making these sounds of need only renewed his own ache for him. 

Sensations were beginning to blur, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his thrusts fast and firm. He felt his partner's breath hot against his neck, his nails digging into the skin of his back as he started to moan his name in time with each thrust, “Bunny, Bunny, Bunny-!” Hearing his name called with such needing reverence was pushing him over the edge, but he held himself at the brink by sheer will, a hand finding Kotetsu's hardness again and pumping it, determined to bring his partner to orgasm before granting it to himself. There was a choked cry in his ear and then he felt the warm flood of Kotetsu's release in his hand while he kept calling his name.

It tore down the remnants of his resistance to see and hear and feel his partner brought to the height of pleasure and to know that he was the reason for it. He lost his ability to control himself, thrusting deep and hard as he gasped, “Kotetsu! Kotetsu!” with each breath. And then with a strangled keen, he came in a surge of brilliant ecstasy that overwhelmed his senses, filling his partner with his final jerking thrusts before collapsing on top of him. His vision went red and his mind was swimming in the flood of their shared pleasure, and for aching moments there was nothing that existed but this connection now forged between them.

Slowly, heartbeats later, he became aware of Kotetsu stroking his back, kissing his neck, and murmuring his name over and over. He lifted his head in exhaustion and smiled into those softly wondering eyes, reassuring him. Cupping a hand against his partner's cheek, he gave him a gentle kiss. Kotetsu took his other hand, threading their fingers together as he held Barnaby on top of him. They kissed again, slow and lazy kisses, their lips lingering over each other while their racing hearts and ragged breaths began to relax. 

Beautiful moments passed like that, until the kisses paused. “I love you, Bunny,” his partner murmured in his ear.

His throat felt tight all over again to hear those amazing words. “I love you too, Kotetsu,” he whispered, not trusting his voice to keep from breaking as tears welled in his eyes. The hand holding his squeezed gently, reassuringly, and he smiled, resting his head down again as he fought back his tears. He'd had enough of crying today, even if these were tears of the happiest kind. Once he felt in control of those emotions, he reluctantly rose, hearing his partner grunt softly as he pulled out. But Kotetsu refused to release him, instead drawing him back up, and he smiled as he gave in again to his partner's directions and laid down alongside him. “We should clean up, you know,” he offered in quiet explanation.

“We should,” he agreed. “In a bit. Rest first.”

“Did I tire you out, old man?” Barnaby teased, brushing some of Kotetsu's tousled hair back from his neck to kiss it.

His partner laughed. “This time, but just you wait, Bunny-chan, once I'm all warmed up, this old man will show you a thing or two.”

He chuckled softly, squeezing the hand holding his. “I look forward to it.”

“Good. Because there's a lot I can teach you, you know.”

“Sounds like we'll be at it a while, then,” he mused. “I like the sound of that.”

“Oh, Bunny, that makes me very happy to hear,” and Kotetsu was kissing from his cheek to his lips, swift and happy kisses that ended with one lingering one. More stalling, perhaps, but it was the kind of procrastination he felt he could support, since it was so very enjoyable.

As their lips parted, Barnaby was smiling. “I'm glad. Because you've made me happier than I've ever been.”

The honest admission drew a soft gasp from his partner, and he used his free hand to wipe at his eyes. “Bunny...” he started, his voice trailing off. “Ah, I've lost all my words again... Bunny, I love you so much...”

“That's sufficient,” he teased lightly, kissing his lips again, feeling a bit awkward as he realized just how honest he had been. “I love you too. Now, come on, old man. You sounded disappointed earlier when I wouldn't join you in the shower, so don't hesitate now.”

Kotetsu laughed, arching his brows. “Share a shower with my beautiful Bunny? I wouldn't miss it. ”


	7. Chapter 7

Showering together had been awkward, but for only the very best reasons. Reasons like getting hard all over again from being naked and in close proximity in a small, enclosed space with water and lather and months of pent-up lust yet to work through. And so the shower had taken longer than strictly necessary for hygiene, because they got dirty again halfway through. Barnaby didn't mind at all, because the old man had been incredible. He really did want to find out if he had any prior experience with men, because the way he sucked cock was mindblowing.

Somehow they had remembered to actually attend to the showering part of the shower before the hot water had run out. Good thing, because it would have been quite a disappointment to cut short their secondary activities in such uncomfortable conditions. There'd be time for it later, he reminded himself. Kotetsu was going to stay the night. He wasn't sure what prospect was most appealing to him, the thought of more incredible sex, or the intimacy of sharing the bed as a couple.

Because that's what they were, wasn't it? That's what all this meant, that they were _together_ now, and the world had attained a rightness that was so obvious it made him wonder how he could have possibly missed it for so long. The thought gave him one of those delicious pangs in his chest and a tightness in his throat. Quietly he reminded himself that this was not some ultimate apex, and that if this was to be a longterm relationship, that there would be work involved in maintaining it. Just because everything felt perfect now didn't mean that it would stay that way. In fact, considering that the man he loved was Kotetsu, he was rather certain that there were going to be many fights.

And many opportunities for make-up sex.

“You're a very cute Bunny, wearing a smile like that,” Kotetsu informed him. Barnaby looked up, catching the old man's reflection in the mirror and watching him search for his pants.

“Other side of the bed,” he informed him. “I was a bit anxious when I removed them. And you know very well why I'm smiling like this.”

“Ahhh, are you finally accepting the fact that you are so very kawaiiiii~?” Barnaby threw a towel at him. Kotetsu overreacted for dramatic effect, toppling onto the bed at the force of the impact and sprawling there. He made a disapproving sound. “Now who's being sloppy, throwing towels around?”

“You forced me to do it.” He turned back to the mirror, working on fixing his hair, since he was ahead of the old man in the dressing game. Perhaps unfairly, since he'd just put on some clean clothes rather than collect what he had been wearing before.

“And bad excuses! Where's my shirt?”

“Somewhere in the vicinity of the couch, I'm not sure if it was dropped or tossed. Hang up that towel.”

“Why? You're the one who threw it.”

“You're the one who caught it.”

“Bossy Bunny,” he muttered. Barnaby was still watching Kotetsu's reflection as he actually did rise and hang it up, and he frowned slightly at the look of the pink burns across his abdomen. He'd tried to be careful, but it did seem like the old man was in a bit of pain. He must have caught that look of worry as he walked back, because he paused behind Barnaby and made a face at him. “Stop worrying about me, I'm fine. Better than fine.”

Barnaby frowned. “So you say, but if you injure yourself again, we'll have to take it easy.” It took a moment for the implications to sink in, and Kotetsu's face was comical in its dismay as he realized what that meant. He found it difficult to keep his expression impassive in return. 

“Okay, okay, I won't push myself, happy?” he said with a scowl.

“Yes, actually,” and Barnaby turned back to give him a swift kiss. “Now finish getting dressed.”

He'd managed to dumbfound the old man with that, and he relished the temporary victory that it was as Kotetsu tried to work up some sort of reply. Finally he just grinned and shook his head. “Fine, fine. You know, I was thinking, if I'm going to stay the night, I might as well go get some things from my place.”

“I'm surprised you haven't finished moving, honestly,” Barnaby answered, his voice a bit uncertain. Their new-found relationship status didn't change the fact that Kotetsu was moving back with his family.

“I think I was procrastinating to give myself excuses. Anyway, I have some clean clothes there. I'll go get them, and pick up dinner on the way.”

He lifted a brow, curious about what Kotetsu had started to say, but then pushed that aside for now. “And what do you mean by dinner?”

“Some sort of takeout. Sorry, I know that's not up to your normal standards.”

Now he rolled his eyes. “Fine, old man. Get what you need to stay the night.”

“Such a bossy Bunny,” he said, shaking his head. “Where'd you say my shirt was?”

“Near the couch. And you're a senile old man.”

“Senile!”

“Half-senile,” he amended.

“Pfft, you're the one who started tearing my clothes off.”

Barnaby made a small smile. “True,” he answered, giving him another swift kiss. “Hurry up, I'm hungry.”

“Oh really?” and the old man waggled his eyebrows ridiculously.

“Stop that.”

“I'm pretty full, myself. Or I was.” Barnaby felt a blush creep into his cheeks, and Kotetsu cackled. “Okay, okay, I'm going. Be back soon, Bunny-chan.” His blushing cheek was now the recipient of a kiss from the old man, and he felt another one of those happy tingling feelings run through him all the way to his toes. He watched Kotetsu leave the room, and after a pause in which he must have found his shirt, he heard the door to the apartment close.

Alone with his thoughts again, but after several significant changes to his emotional state. Barnaby thought over the events of the day and the night before, shaking his head to himself. Admittedly, there'd been a lot that had gone unsaid between them for a long time, and it had been bound to come rushing out at a moment of pressure. But he still couldn't believe where it had all led. That they were still speaking, that they were still friends. That Kotetsu loved him.

Returning to the living room, he decided to work on cleaning up the mess from the night before while he let his thoughts drift contentedly. Yes, he was surprised at the depth of Kotetsu's feelings for him. They'd forged a friendship despite and because of their differences, they'd come to rely on each other as partners, but he hadn't thought it terribly likely that Kotetsu would feel any sort of romantic inclinations toward him. Knowing now that he did, and perhaps had harbored those feelings for some time, made Barnaby's heart flutter. There'd never been anyone before. He'd never allowed a place for it in his life, nothing that would distract him from his ultimate goal. Attachments like that weren't useful to his goal, so he simply didn't let it happen. He'd gotten a partner in Kotetsu, supposedly as a means of achieving that goal. He hadn't counted on an attachment to form, for trust to build the way to a friendship and an even stronger partnership. Now he couldn't conceive of a happy life without him in it. He'd even given up being a hero because it wouldn't be the same without Kotetsu.

One thing was becoming abundantly clear to Barnaby, as he put the empty bottles in a bag for recycling. If his life was now his own to call the shots, to choose what he was going to do and who he would be, he wanted Kotetsu in it. He wanted to know that reassuring embrace would be there for him when he needed it, because the old man was right, he was only just starting to recover from everything that had happened to him. Breakdowns were happening, and he knew they would continue, much as the thought gave him a flicker of discomfort and fear. There was absolutely no one he would trust with himself in such a state but Kotetsu. 

He frowned at his thoughts as he picked up the wine glasses. All that had happened, and he was thinking in terms of the comfort that Kotetsu provided? Granted, it wasn't a trivial thing to him, the issue of how to handle his insecurities in the most effective way possible so as to minimize their impact. But for his thoughts to be going along these lines? He sighed, rinsing out the glasses carefully. No, this was definitely not a development that solved all problems. It handled some and created new ones. 

For instance, how would he handle the distance that would soon form between them as Kotetsu returned to his family in Oriental Town? His fears during his earlier panic attack only felt sharper now that there was a new level of complexity on the surface of their relationship. He chided himself for being foolish. Of course he would handle it. He wasn't sure how at this moment in time, but he was sure a solution would come to him. It wasn't worth worrying over right now. Not with that tightness in his chest. No, not now. He pushed the thoughts out of his head, trying to keep composed.

In the back of his mind, there was a concern that maybe this was going to require some careful consideration rather than shoving away these uncomfortable twinges. Because wasn't this just the same pattern of avoidance that had led to today's most potentially-disastrous outbursts? He sighed, replacing the cleaned glasses where they belonged, and took a moment to lean against the countertop and focus on relaxing from the tension building inside. Too much upheaval, he hadn't yet begun to process it all. And of course it seemed far more dire as a looming task to undertake than it would when he'd actually made progress on sorting through it. Yes, he'd have to deal with these things, but he couldn't do anything about them now. 

With cleaning up now complete, Barnaby sat back down in his chair, studying the Stern Bild skyline through his window. The city lights were augmented by colorful displays, and that reminded him of the upcoming holiday. He frowned and tried to shy away from the echoes of his earlier panic once again, wincing at how raw his emotions felt that such light brushes of negative memory could call up the panic that easily. No, it wasn't that bad. He'd handle it. He'd always handled it before. He had even more reason now to handle it, because he didn't want Kotetsu to be distracted from time with his family by worrying about him. A nagging little thought informed him that Kotetsu would be worrying about him anyway, but he ignored it, because he couldn't do anything about what Kotetsu chose to do. No, he'd just have to keep himself together. He had a lot of practice at that, so honestly, how hard would it be this time? He knew all the ways to keep up appearances. 

Barnaby sighed. Alone with his thoughts and he went back to brooding, instead of lingering over the wonderful new memories this day had given. How very like him. He allowed irritation at himself to cover up his inner tension, and as he rested his head back against the chair, he decided to make an effort to recall those memories they'd made today. Like how it felt to really kiss Kotetsu, how it felt when Kotetsu was smiling into the kiss, those little throaty noises of pleasure that he made, the way he twined his hands in his hair.... He shifted, feeling a blush warming his cheeks. Yes, these were much nicer thoughts to dwell on. 

There really was a lot of comfort in Kotetsu's touch, he realized. And other things, but always comfort. The old man went to great lengths to put those around him at ease, even when it meant taking on extra, undeserved burdens for himself. One of the things he found so annoying and yet so endearing about him. And when they'd—his thoughts stumbled over the term— _made love_ , Kotetsu had been attentive to him at every step, reading his body language for cues, and encouraging Barnaby with his own responses. Yes, there had been some awkwardness, but they worked so well together that it translated very well to this new situation. And then in the shower, when Kotetsu had teased him for being so bossy in bed, then turned the tables on him and offered to help him “take care of” the erection that had been inevitable in the circumstances. He hadn't expected that, but it had delighted him all the same.

The most comfort had been when he fell asleep in his arms. His chronic insomnia had resisted many of the ways he'd tried to alleviate it over the years, but he had slept so easily and peacefully in Kotetsu's embrace. He'd found a sense of security that had circumvented the usual avenues of his worried brooding, preventing them from keeping him awake. He wondered if Kotetsu knew what it meant to him. Maybe. After all, hadn't it been Kotetsu's ridiculous insistence that they share the bed last night that had started all of this? The old man was onto something.

All in all, Barnaby was looking forward to tonight. Because certainly there would be more pleasure shared before they slept, especially if he had it his way. He wanted to memorize each gasp, each hitched breath that indicated a flush of delight, every little sound Kotetsu made in response to what Barnaby was doing to him. He wanted to feel the crush of soft lips against his, the hand in his hair, the possessiveness and defensiveness when he held him. He wanted Kotetsu to show him how he felt about him with caresses and gazes, and tell him too, in a voice straining to force out the words between moans. He wanted to see the softness in those warm brown eyes when Barnaby told him that he loved him.

Yes. Tonight was going to be a very good night.


	8. Chapter 8

Barnaby was in much better spirits when Kotetsu returned. He couldn't resist the urge to greet him with a kiss, and the kiss turned a bit heated, thanks to the paths of his thoughts just before his return. The old man seemed rather pleased at this welcome, and they lingered there by the door for a few more kisses, soft and warm. It was Barnaby who broke off, a hint of a blush in his cheeks, as he realized Kotetsu's arms were full with his overnight bag and the Chinese takeout. He took the food, suggesting that Kotetsu could go ahead and put his bag in the bedroom, and allowing himself to smile at the smirk on the old man's face.

It was by no means the first time Kotetsu had been at his apartment for dinner. In fact, they'd often perched on the couch eating takeout just like this, while watching Hero TV for the latest recaps and arguing over who had gotten the most camera time. They wouldn't be on these latest episodes, of course. But out of the familiar routine, Barnaby turned on the TV anyway, and they divvied up the food while the latest hero exploits played out.

An art thief was stopped from escaping with priceless originals from the museum by the combined efforts of Sky High and Fire Emblem. Blue Rose stopped a house fire from raging out of control while Dragon Kid ensured that all the occupants escaped safely. As they watched the highlights, Barnaby caught the look of melancholy on Kotetsu's face. “You miss it, don't you?”

“Hmm?”

“Being a hero. You miss it.”

Kotetsu gave him a weak half-smile. “Yeah, I guess I do. For so long, it was all I wanted to be. I'm not sure how to start being something else.”

The words were such a clear echo of Barnaby's own fears about the future that he had to pause and think over his words carefully. They really were alike in some very important ways. “I'll miss it too. But it's not worth doing if you're not there.”

“I'm sure you'd still get plenty of points.”

“You know that's not what I mean.”

“Why, Bunny,” Kotetsu said in mock surprise, but Barnaby could see the softening in his gaze that meant his words had struck a chord with the old man.

“And I'm not really sure what I want to do from here, either,” he admitted, feeling a flutter of nervousness at his honest words. 

“Ahh, you'll figure it out. You're good at that. Me, I'll have to learn how to be a good father.”

“You already are,” Barnaby insisted.

Kotetsu waved a hand. “I've done a lot of things wrong, remember? I'm probably going to make a lot more mistakes. I just hope Kaede keeps thinking I'm cool.”

He smiled softly. “She will. I think the important thing is that she knows how much you love her. That's the strong foundation you can build on.”

The old man dropped his empty food carton at his feet and leaned back against the couch. “See? You're good at figuring this out.”

“Well, I'm not sure I'm the best authority when it comes to familial relationships,” he objected awkwardly, suddenly feeling that he had overstepped in offering advice about something had so little experience with.

“Ah, Bunny,” and Kotetsu had taken his hand, his brown eyes sincere. “Don't be so hard on yourself. It's good advice.”

“All the same,” he murmured, looking down. “Take it with a grain of salt, old man. Even my memories of family aren't to be trusted.”

There were few moments of silence between them with only the drone of the TV to fill it. Then Kotetsu moved down the couch, taking the food carton from his unresisting hands to set at his feet, taking the remote to turn off the TV, then putting an arm over his shoulder to draw him into an awkward half-embrace. His eyes were still soft, but there was steel beneath it. Barnaby wanted to flinch away from his intent gaze. It was the gaze of the Tiger on the hunt, the Tiger who wasn't going to be deterred from his goal. 

“Come here, Bunny-chan,” he said in a murmur, and with only a moment of stiffened resistance, Barnaby gave in, moving closer and allowing Kotetsu to once again pull his legs onto his lap. It quietly registered in the back of his mind that the old man must like holding him this way, or else thought it the most comforting way to hold him. Perhaps both. He curled against Kotetsu, pressing against his shoulder, trying to calm the trembling he was starting to feel.

“Bunny...” The voice was soft, barely more than a whisper, and yet it had the strength to keep him anchored as his emotions again started to roil into turbulence. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing, deep and steady breaths, knowing that it would help keep everything else from spinning out of control if he could at least maintain his breathing. He felt Kotetsu's arms wrapped around his back, a gentle caress, and that murmured repetition of his name. It took some time before his heart stopped its odd shuddering and returned to normal, and when it did, he felt a flush of shame creep into his cheeks. Losing himself again? What was wrong with him? _A lot_ , that voice in the back of his mind informed him. Could he really have expected to endure all he'd been through, finding out how much of his life had been a fabrication, and not have some problems as a result? Well yes, he did expect that of himself, because he held himself to certain standards of behavior, and this behavior was inexcusable.

“I'm sorry, Kotetsu,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. “It won't happen again.”

“Idiot,” he replied, and only the fond tone kept Barnaby from flinching. “Don't make promises you can't keep. At least learn that much from me.”

He frowned, straightening up and drawing back from the embrace. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Remember what I told you earlier? You've been through a lot. You don't get to tell yourself that you should be doing better than you are. So stop it. And stop feeling like it makes you weak to feel that way.”

He looked away. “How come I can't be the one to decide that? It's me we're talking about.”

“Because you don't give yourself enough credit. Bunny, please, listen to an old man. If you keep pushing and pushing yourself, you'll end up collapsing. And I don't want that. So I'm telling you that you need to be easier on yourself.”

Once again, it was the old man's admission of selfish motivations that convinced Barnaby to consider what he had to say. “Maybe you have a point,” he muttered.

“You know I do,” and Kotetsu kissed his forehead. He glared over his glasses, but the old man only smiled back at him. “If you are going to promise me something, promise that you'll go easy on yourself.”

“We'll see,” he replied, reluctant to make that promise because he wasn't sure he'd keep it. And that was one piece of advice that he did want to follow. Kotetsu ruffled his hair, and Barnaby glared back at him, reaching up to fix what the old man had mussed. This earned him a laugh, and then he was being pulled close into another embrace. He resisted this one to spite him, which only made him try harder, until suddenly he'd lost his balance and Kotetsu was laying across the couch with Barnaby sprawled over him. He strengthened his glare. “Stop that,” he scowled. “Remember, you're injured!”

“Hah, you think I didn't remember that? Bit to the side, Bunny, please,” and Kotetsu's face revealed a twinge of pain.

Immediately concerned, Barnaby moved as directed, resting more of his weight against the back of the couch to ease the pressure on those still-tender burns. He saw the pain in his expression ease, much to his relief. “I thought I told you to take it easy, “ he chided softly. And then he blinked, as he realized the echo of those words.

Kotetsu hadn't missed it either, it was obvious from his sly smirk. “You did. I told you I wouldn't push myself. But what I just did was pulling.” 

“Don't argue semantics with me, old man.”

He grinned. “Then agree that we should both be easier on ourselves.”

Of course the old man played dirty. He sighed. “Fine. I'll try.”

“That's all you really have to do, Bunny,” and Kotetsu had wrapped his arms around him again. “Just try. Because sometimes we all make mistakes, and we can't be too hard on ourselves when we do. Just try. The nice thing is that it's good practice, and you'll get better and better at it.”

“Practice, hmm? Interesting words from the man who kept skipping weight training.” He was starting to feel a bit more at ease now. Odd how that tended to happen when he was being held by Kotetsu.

“Bah, and you refused to let Lloyds-san reschedule that interview to make up for it.”

“Because if given the choice, you would have preferred weight training to interviews, and I knew it.” Barnaby kissed his cheek. “It's a good thing you had me to keep things running smoothly for you.”

His expression softened. “Yeah. It's a good thing I have you.”

The fluttering of his heart reawakened, and Barnaby felt himself drawn back down. He sought Kotetsu's lips, overwhelmed by the urge to get lost in his kiss, and was met with equal desire from his partner. His throat tightened as he felt gentle caresses against his back, and he had to break from the kiss to gasp softly. Tears were stinging in his eyes again. “Kotetsu...”

“Shh, Bunny. It's okay,” and Kotetsu was kissing him softly again, snaking one hand into his hair, keeping him close. “It's okay.”

He believed him. He wanted to believe him. Doubt still buzzed in the back of his mind, but it was far easier now to ignore it, when there were these beautiful kisses to distract him. Kisses from Kotetsu. His partner. His love. Kotetsu loved him, had said so, had proved it by showing him, and was continuing to prove it right now. Barnaby was determined to return the favor, to show the old man just how much it meant to him. How much he meant to him. The kiss was becoming heated, he was starting to very gently grind atop him, still mindful of his injuries. Kotetsu was making those soft sounds of pleasure again, the sounds that Barnaby loved to hear. He broke the kiss to move his lips down his jawline, to his neck, where he started to kiss and suck greedily at the sensitive skin. He heard a throaty growl, felt the hand in his hair tighten into a fist, and he responded by using his teeth. Now Kotetsu gasped and started to move, carrying Barnaby with him, and their positions reversed, with Barnaby now beneath and straddled.

“Nippy Bunny,” he growled, eyes flashing, before he lunged down with a deep kiss, his hand seizing Barnaby's and pinning it against the arm of the couch, fingers threaded together. The sensation of being held down did a startling thing to Barnaby's heart, making it skip beats and flutter like a bird trapped in a cage. He arched his back, testing the old man's hold for any weaknesses, and at the same time letting him know just what this was doing to him. “Oh, you like that?” was the purred response, and his legs were now pinned in place by his partner's, drawing a shuddering moan from his lips before he could even think to hold it back. He was trapped under Kotetsu, his heart was racing, his throat was tight, and he could only manage to make a tiny mewling noise of desire. “You do,” the old man crooned. “I didn't expect that, Bunny-chan...but I can work with that...” 

Now Kotetsu was kissing him again, and he was helpless to resist. It was driving him absolutely wild. Oh, but he knew, he _knew_ , that he could resist, that the slightest display of actual discomfort would cause Kotetsu to release him, but denying that to himself was heightening the unexpected pleasure of being at his mercy. Whenever Kotetsu's lips freed his, he let out a moan, his breathing ragged and racing, but it was only a brief respite, because Kotetsu kept returning to crush his lips, his tongue invading his mouth, and then pulling back just when it was getting good. The moans were turning into strained whimpers, which seemed to please Kotetsu very much, because he kept doing the things that drew out those cries, clenching the hand that pinned his in place, shifting his hips so that Barnaby could feel the bulge of his cock. So the old man really did get off on pushing him around, he realized in a dizzy daze, remembering his snarled accusation from that afternoon. And he realized to his utter surprise that he completely fucking loved this.

“Good Bunny,” Kotetsu murmured, and he realized he had stopped testing and resisting, had gone passive beneath him. The praise elicited another moan from him, another shiver of hot desire silvering through the reddish haze. _What_ was going on? Why was he feeling this needy anticipation? It was painful, it felt like his skin was on fire every time Kotetsu touched him, and he only wanted more, more, more.

“Please...”

Kotetsu fell still, drew back oh-so-slightly, and he felt the Tiger's intense stare. “What was that, Bunny-chan?”

He trembled, he couldn't help it, Kotetsu's voice was making him shiver like it never had before. “Please...” he whispered, unsure what exactly he was asking for, hoping that Kotetsu would understand.

The Tiger was still studying him, and he waited, his breathing shallow and uneven, his eyes fixed, his entire body aching with that nebulous need. _Please,_ he repeated only in his mind. _Please understand what I mean even though I don't._ He was hot all over, his heart was pounding, he was shivering with an anticipation he couldn't even name, and he could not tear his eyes away from his partner's.

Kotetsu must have found what he was searching for in Barnaby's eyes, for now he lowered his head to give him the softest of kisses, a bare brush of his lips that was the purest, sweetest affection. Then he spoke, his voice a rough whisper in his ear. “Back to the bedroom, Bunny-chan. It's more comfortable there.”


	9. Chapter 9

Barnaby was perched on the edge of the bed, sparing only a brief glance up at Kotetsu as he entered the bedroom. He quickly returned his gaze to his hands and swallowed self-consciously, feeling oddly torn between apprehension and a kind of numbed calm. He willed himself to keep still as Kotetsu sat beside him, even as his heart pounded with a sort of adrenaline rush he could not understand.

“Bunny,” Kotetsu murmured, slipping an arm over his shoulder. “Relax, Bunny. It's okay.”

He stiffened as the contact made his skin tingle, then willed himself to do as his partner said. “I'm sorry, Kotetsu. I don't know what came over me.”

“You don't know- Oh, Bunny,” and his voice was soft in his ear. “So that's what's got you so startled. Ahh, don't worry,” and Kotetsu's voice warmed. “You didn't do anything wrong.”

He shifted slightly, self-consciously, and remained silent. His heart was still racing, he still felt that nebulous ache, and it was only worse with Kotetsu so close to him. 

The silence stretched for a few more heartbeats, and then Kotetsu spoke again. “Have you... Ah, I mean... Do you have any experience?”

He kept his eyes on his hands, clasped together in his lap. “No.” He could feel the old man's jolt of surprise. “Just you.”

“Bunny...” and his voice was so soft, so gentle, the sound alone wrapping him in a comforting caress. But he could also hear an aching pang in that voice, a pang that echoed in his chest. “Oh, Bunny. I didn't know. I didn't ask.”

“I know. I didn't want to distract you from what we were doing. Because I wanted you, Kotetsu.” He heard the small sigh, caught the smile on the old man's face out of the corner of his eye. It actually gave him some measure of relief, and he allowed a tiny smile to turn up the corners of his lips. He knew Kotetsu wouldn't miss it. 

The arm around his shoulder squeezed him close. “Well. You got me,” and now his voice was a rich chuckle. “But now, why so nervous, Bunny-chan? Why so sorry?”

He swallowed again, grateful for the reassuring squeeze Kotetsu gave him. “I... I'm not sure what I was feeling, when you...er, when you were holding me down. It was... I mean, it felt good.” He was stumbling over the words in his uncertainty, and that gave him a short flush of shame. He needed to be more composed, more precise.

“So you did like that?” and there was a purr within Kotetsu's voice that gave him a completely delicious shiver, one that the old man could not possibly miss with his arm over his shoulders.

“Y-yes, I did... I think so, at least.”

“You weren't afraid?”

“No,” he said honestly, a bit surprised at the question. “Not of you. I trust you. I'm just not sure what it is I'm feeling.”

Another squeeze. “I'm glad you trust me, Bunny. Because I think I know, and if it is what I think it is, then I will be able to make you feel very, very good, but only as long as you trust me.”

His heart leaped. “I- Yes, of course, Kotetsu.”

“Good. And if it stops feeling good, you tell me to stop, and I will.”

He gave a slight nod, somewhat confused as to why this needed to be stated so explicitly. He had to admit it was good to have it spoken and confirmed, especially with everything so new and raw between them. But despite Kotetsu's encouragement, he still felt no closer to understanding what was going on.

The old man kissed his hair, then pulled back his arm. “Good. Now, let's take care of these clothes.” 

Barnaby fought back a tiny shiver of anticipation at those words. This was sounding more and more promising by the moment. The fact that his partner seemed to know what to do about his own nebulous neediness was reassuring all on its own, and this next step was one that gave his heart another one of those skip-then-flutter beats.

Kotetsu started with gently removing Barnaby's glasses, folding them and setting them on the bedside table with almost a reverence in his care. Barnaby stayed tense at the edge of the bed, yearning for the touch that made his skin come alive, and then feeling it as Kotetsu took him by his shoulders. He moved in to meet his partner's lips, closing his eyes as they began one of those slow, tantalizing kisses. While their lips touched and pressed and their tongues teased and swept, Kotetsu was pulling at his shirt. With that as the basis, a pattern was established: they kissed until forced to part for the removal of clothing, and then their lips were together again, soft and hungry kisses that rekindled that warm glow of desire in the pit of his stomach. He could never get enough of kissing Kotetsu, because Kotetsu didn't just kiss; he stroked his hair, he caressed his cheek, he nipped and lingered at his lips. And he managed to do this while also directing the removal of Barnaby's clothes in a very efficient manner. A flush formed in his cheeks when he realized that he was nude and his partner was still partially dressed, and he ventured a guess that this was all part of the old man's plan.

“Ahh, Bunny....” Kotetsu was gazing at him, and he felt another shiver as he recognized the desire in his eyes. That his partner would look at him in such a way...! It gave him that tightening in his throat, the one that made it harder to speak without stumbling.

And it made his voice betray his own longing. “Kotetsu...” he murmured, reaching for his partner's belt.

“Ah-ah, not yet, Bunny,” and Kotetsu caught his hands, pulling him closer. Then they were kissing again, except this time with his partner's hands traveling all over his bare skin, teasing with featherlight caresses that made him shiver and tense. “There's no need to hurry...” But Barnaby heard a hook in those words, saw the sly smile, and then he knew that this was all part of the old man's plan. That he was trying to drive up the anticipation. He made a soft gasp he couldn't keep in, and Kotetsu's eyes flickered in triumph. Oh, that dirty old man! And the worst part was that it was working, very obviously working, and Kotetsu knew it. He twined his fingers through Barnaby's curls, down his neck to his jawline and chin, a gentle urge for Barnaby to meet his gaze. 

With his heart fluttering, he did as his partner wished, searching those eyes and finding a reassuring softness there. Uncertain of his motivation but following an impulse (just as Kotetsu once encouraged him to do!), Barnaby closed his eyes and waited. He heard a soft intake of breath from his partner, felt his thumb stroking his cheek, then felt his lips kissing the corner of his mouth. “Good Bunny,” he whispered in approval.

It made him tremble to hear that praise. Eyes still closed, he listened to Kotetsu shifting position, felt his hand trail away from contact, heard the sound of clothing being removed. Oh, this really was making him ache in longing, but it was a beautiful ache. He felt the shift of the mattress again, and heard more softly spoken words. “Lay back on the bed, Bunny. Keep your eyes closed.” Intrigued, he followed these instructions, orienting himself on the bed and laying down along its length. “Good. Arms above your head. I'm going to try something. If you don't like it, say so, and I'll stop.” He shivered but did as directed, then waited.

Moments passed, measured by his heart beating in an increasing tempo. Then there was an odd tickle where his hands were clasped over his head, a trailing touch. Fabric, he decided from the feel of the texture. And it was...wrapping around his wrists? He tensed, and it stopped.

“Are you okay, Bunny?” Kotetsu's voice was even but betrayed a soft concern.

He swallowed. “Y-yes. Just surprised. I wasn't expecting...what is that?”

“My tie,” and there was a throaty chuckle. “So don't try struggling free, just ask instead. I don't want it ripped.”

Struggling free? His heart fluttered. “You're...tying my wrists?”

“That's the plan. Are you okay with that?”

He had to think, because once again his heart was starting to race and his skin was starting to tingle, making it hard for any thoughts to work through the reddish haze that was clouding his awareness. “Y-yes, Kotetsu,” he finally stammered.

“You're sure? Because this is to make you feel good, and if it's not feeling good, then we're going to stop.”

“Yes,” he repeated, his voice a bit stronger, surer. “I just wasn't anticipating this.”

A soft chuckle, as the fabric started again to move around his wrists. “Then I'll keep going. Remember, Bunny, if it stops feeling good, speak up.”

“I will,” he promised.

“Such a good Bunny,” he heard the Tiger purr, and he froze in place, a pang of not-fear rushing through him. Not-fear, because it felt like it, except that he wasn't afraid, he was waiting breathlessly for what would happen next. It was that adrenaline rush of before, the one that gave him no direction to follow and confused him so much. But now Kotetsu was taking care of that, allowing him to simply enjoy the trembling anticipation it gave him.

“Good Bunny,” Kotetsu repeated in that rough purr. “Now, test that. Not too loose, not too tight?”

It took a few more rushed heartbeats for those words to work through his haze, and he flexed his arms, feeling where they were tied together at his wrists. “It's...comfortable. As being tied could be.”

“That's the point, that you're comfortable.” And Kotetsu kissed his cheek. “You can open your eyes now, Bunny-chan.”

He did so, to see his partner's face next to him, expression soft with affection and lined with longing. Once again, seeing such desire writ so obviously was making his chest tight. He was the object of all that tenderness? Even still he could barely believe it.

“Ahh, Bunny... You are so lovely...” Kotetsu's voice had a quaver to it that surprised him, and his brow creased in concern. “No worrying, I'm just a sappy old man.”

Barnaby smiled softly. “I guess we both feel lucky, then,” he ventured. He was rewarded with Kotetsu's smile, a brilliance he wanted to bask in as long as possible. _Kotetsu loves me, Kotetsu is looking at me with this love in his eyes, Kotetsu loves me, it's me he loves,_ he told himself in a stumbling rush, just to keep feeling the warmth those wonderful thoughts gave him. It was like a continuing wave of contentment, the likes of which he'd never felt before, and he didn't want the feeling to end, the knowledge that Kotetsu loved him. 

It distracted him just a bit from the events at hand, so he was a bit surprised when he realized his partner had moved, undressed, and was climbing on top of him. He swallowed and shivered at the feeling of vulnerability that ran through him, tensing his arms to feel the hold of his tied wrists. Still very secure. He saw the smirk on Kotetsu's face and knew the Tiger had seen him testing the bonds, and the knowledge gave him another pang of desire.

Kotetsu moved in smoothly for another kiss, arms coming up to hold his own where they were tied together, bracing his weight on his knees on either side of Barnaby's hips. As he realized just how securely pinned the old man had him, he flushed and tensed while his hips arched involuntarily. It didn't go unnoticed. “You do like this, Bunny-chan,” he murmured as their lips parted. “I'm glad, because I can use it to make you feel very good.” He kissed him again, one of those slow, sensuous kisses that made his mind go fuzzy and his heart race, and it was even more pronounced because he was being held in place, unable to move, at the mercy of his partner. Kotetsu was right, he really did like this.

Understanding came to him in a sudden flash that stole his breath. He liked this because in accepting this vulnerability, it meant that he trusted his partner, and trusted him completely. He trusted Kotetsu enough to be this vulnerable in front of him. The realization ached in his heart. Had they really come this far? Of course they had, with all they'd gone through, they'd come this far and only become stronger. They were a team. They worked together with a rhythm that demanded a level of understanding deeper than conscious thought. This, somehow, was another extension of that, something made possible by their confessions of love, and that beautiful bond of trust.

“Bunny?” Kotetsu's voice, soft with concern, his gaze gentle.

“I'm fine,” he stammered, to reassure him, his lips twitching into a smile. “More than fine. You're right. I do feel very good.”

The old man grinned. “And I haven't even gotten to the best part. Now, where did you keep that lube...”

He flushed. “Second drawer. And I'd rather not answer questions about how often it's been used, considering what I told you earlier.”

Kotetsu released his loose grip on his wrists to lean over and reach for the bedside table. “Then I'll tease you later, Bunny-chan,” he promised as he pulled open the drawer. “Though it looks like it's still pretty full...” He leaned back with bottle in hand, squeezing out some of the contents into his palm.

Barnaby's flush deepened, but his stammered reply was cut off by a gasp as his partner wrapped his slicked hand around his hardness, and he felt that tantalizing cool tingle through the heat of his arousal. “K-Kotetsu,” he managed.

“Surprised?” he asked with a grin, shifting his position over Barnaby's prepared cock.

“Y-yes, a little,” he admitted, his mind swimming in the sensation. He hadn't really even thought that far ahead, but he'd half-expected that he'd be the one penetrated this time.

“I told you I'd show you a thing or two,” he said with smug satisfaction, just before easing himself down onto Barnaby's twitching cock.

He closed his eyes and arched his back, driving further still into his partner's entrance, and through the roaring in his ears he heard the hiss of a gasp through clenched teeth. It was distant from him in his lust-fogged awareness, and yet it was immediate and intimate and overwhelming in more than just the physical; the sensation of his partner on top of him, taking him in, while he was pinned beneath, at his mercy. It was completely mindblowingly amazing. 

“Oh Bun~nyyy, you feel so good,” Kotetsu crooned breathlessly. “So good!” He was moving now, riding his cock, thighs tensing and flexing to take him into a relentless rhythm atop him. 

He wanted to writhe, he wanted to shudder and gasp and squirm, but he was held so effectively by the man atop him and by his own will that he barely managed more than to arch his hips in time with his partner. It was so natural to find his pace and compliment it with his own, it was something he could do even when pinned down and lost in this haze of overwhelming need. But it was also just about the limit of what he could do, as most of his ability to act on what was happening to him had been taken from him by the sensation of being tied and pinned, and by the sheer weight of his desire.

Kotetsu more than made up for it, taking care of all that need. He was leaning forward, bracing one hand against Barnaby's chest, picking up speed, still wearing that expression of satisfaction. “Such a good Bunny!” he gasped, rocking on top of him. “Keep those arms still! I don't want to have to stop to tie them down,” and he grinned as the words made Barnaby moan. “Ohhhh Bunny, yesss, you do like it!”

Moans turned to hitched whimpers, he couldn't focus his eyes, he was flooded with absolute need for his partner, the man that always took care of him, who held him in his breakdowns and touched him in ways that felt so good. The man who had seen his startled reactions to something unexpected and had taken charge of it, had used it to send him into this quivering state of desire. “Kotetsu, please, please-!”

“Please what, Bunny-chan?” was the reply punctuated by panting.

Oh he was infuriating! “Dammit, old man, y-you know what I need!”

“And I won't give it to you until you tell me,” he crooned, actually slowing down.

“Nnngh! Kotetsu!” His throat was tight and raw. “Please, I need to, to-”

“You can do better than that, Bunny-chan!”

He made a choked sob, his heart hammering against his chest. “P-please!”

“Ahhh, you beg so nicely! Good, good Bunny, do you want to come? Then come for me.”

With a gurgling cry, he lost the last shreds of his self-control, goaded over the edge by his partner's words and the incredible way he made him feel. His hands were clenched, his toes were curled, his entire body was overwhelmed by the incandescent surge of pleasure that was his orgasm. His heart was pounding near to breaking, his vision tunneled and red. Slowly he managed to control his breathing and take it down from ragged gasps, and he became aware of the tingling warmth of Kotetsu's release on his stomach. Somehow the knowledge that they'd both hit that peak was greatly reassuring to him, and he let himself relax and just drift in the amazing sensations still flooding his body.

Heartbeats or eternities later, he felt Kotetsu rise and release him there, only to lay beside him and rest one hand atop his tied wrists. “Okay, Bunny-chan?” was his soft whisper.

“Mmm. Yes. Very...very okay...” he murmured, lost in blissful lassitude. Opening his eyes was too much work.

Kotetsu chuckled. “You look like a very happy Bunny. Bit messy, though.”

“Mmm...can take care of that later...” He didn't want to move.

“And you liked this?” and he felt fingers run over his wrists.

“Really liked it.” Everything was wonderful. This was the best day ever and he had never been so content before in all his life.

“Good. Then I did what I set out to do. Here,” and Kotetsu untied the knot, releasing his wrists.

Barnaby slowly lowered his arms, feeling a bit of stiffness in them from being held that way for an extended period. One arm naturally came into place over Kotetsu, pulling him close enough to kiss, relaxed and indulgent. As he ended the kiss, he murmured, “Love you.”

He kissed his cheek. “I love you too, Bunny-chan.”

He heard the words, but consciousness was losing its importance to him. Everything was so lovely, and he felt so good, he just wanted to soak up the afterglow and let this wonderful contentment just take over everything. Kotetsu loved him. There was nothing they couldn't handle together.

It was almost as if this was the best dream he'd ever had.


	10. Chapter 10

They dozed for a while. At least, Barnaby did, but he guessed that Kotetsu did, too. Not quite sleep, but close to it. In a way it was similar to how he often spent his nights, hovering near a state of slumber for short periods of time, but this was far more relaxing, because next to him was his partner, and he was still basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking. He knew that eventually they'd have to move, but he wanted to put that off as long as possible. How very unlike him. Then again, he was learning all sorts of interesting things about himself today.

“Blushing Bunny,” Kotetsu murmured in his ear, which only made him blush more. “What're you thinking about?”

“You,” he answered, and was pleased to sense he'd caught the old man off guard with his frank reply. “And what you did to me.”

“Ohhh. You must have really liked it, then.”

“Yeah...it was nice...” He covered his mouth for a yawn, then shifted, turning to face his partner and kiss his forehead.  
“Sounded like more than nice, the way you were screaming.”

He eyed him skeptically. “Screaming?”

“Okay, moaning, then. You were loud.” Kotetsu grinned.

“I was not. You're exaggerating.”

“I was there, no, I'm not, and yes, you were. Might have to do something about that...:”

His brows furrowed, and then suddenly a thought drifted into his head, connecting that statement to what he'd done earlier with his tie. He blushed and glowered.

Kotetsu laughed, but it was a warm laugh, just as warm as the sudden hug he pulled Barnaby into. “You are adorable when you give me that look, you know.”

“Stop it,” he muttered, muffled against Kotetsu's shoulder.

“Stop what?” he teased.

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“But I love you, and I could never stop loving you!”

“You're being ridiculous, old man.”

“You like me that way, Bunny-chan.” And before Barnaby could come up with another defense, Kotetsu had busied his lips with another kiss. His first impulse was to resist, to try to break free, but then again, the kissing was very very nice. Kotetsu seemed to sense his indecision, because he could feel the old man smiling into the kiss.

Barnaby pulled back, giving him a ruffled look. “We should clean up. What time is it?”

“Past ten, I think.”

He sighed impatiently. “There's a clock on the bedside table.”

“Then you read it!”

Scowling, he muttered, “I can't it with my glasses off.”

Kotetsu shook his head. “You should get a clock with bigger numbers, then.”

Biting back the irritated retort, Barnaby rolled over, pushing himself up on one arm and reaching for his glasses. He heard Kotetsu snickering behind his back while he adjusted them and then read the glowing green digits. “You were off. It's 9:48.”

“Not by that much.”

“You said after ten, and it's before.” He sat up, swinging his legs off the bed and favoring the old man with a glare over his shoulder.

“That's not that far off, and you glaring at me when you're naked isn't really that intimidating, Bunny-chan.” Kotetsu had his hands behind his head and was grinning at him.

No, this was not going the way he wanted. Sighing heavily, he got up, frowning at the state of clothes discarded everywhere and starting by finding his underwear. He heard Kotetsu shift on the bed, and he knew, he just knew, that he was watching him. Ogling him, even. Gritting his teeth, he steeled himself to ignore it. “It's late enough that we should probably get ready for bed,” he told Kotetsu as he picked up the discarded clothing and dealt with each piece appropriately.

“It has been a pretty busy day,” his partner admitted as he followed suit, getting to his feet and looking around the room. He laughed. “Second time I've gone searching for my clothing in your bedroom. I like that.”

“You would,” he muttered. “Tossing your clothes off, letting them land wherever. Weren't you the one worried about your clothes getting wrinkled last night?”

“That was last night, and that was totally different anyway. You wanted me to sleep in my clothes. I bet you have different ideas tonight.”

He leveled a look at Kotetsu. “Because things are different tonight.”

The old man grinned at him. “I like that part too.”

Sighing, Barnaby left for the bathroom, followed by Kotetsu's laughter.

Their bantering continued as they each got ready for bed, the old man teasing him about his pajamas and offering his suggestion that he sleep in the buff, and Barnaby suggesting in return that there were other places Kotetsu could sleep. To which his partner returned to his argument of the night before, that the bed was plenty big enough for both of them. He seemed very pleased at being able to refer to those earlier statements in his own defense, which only made Barnaby pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at him.

Deep down, Barnaby was grateful for this somewhat-usual state of interaction, because he still wasn't sure how to address some of the other ways he'd been acting. Erratic, needy, volatile... He'd been so tense and frightened, so infuriated, so heartsick and despairing, and all in just this past day. If he was going to be honest with himself, it was a sign that he was still under significant strain, that all he'd gone through had worn him down enough that he wasn't able to keep his usual collected calm. But through it all, there had been Kotetsu. And now they were closer than they had ever been before. As far as the developments of this past day were concerned, Barnaby was rather grateful about that one. It felt like something had been slightly out of balance but had been jolted suddenly into place, and that things that had felt uneven and wobbly were now starting to settle into a much more comfortable rhythm.

Hopefully that would continue. He knew this was just the start, and that they had a lot ahead of them. But it was rather like them, to make a real mess of the first steps.

“Cute smiling Bunny,” Kotetsu teased, cutting through his reverie.

He shook his head at the old man's reflection in the mirror, realizing he'd been lost in thought. “Are you going to keep taking all these opportunities to call me cute?”

“Yes,” he answered decisively. “Because so many other times you haven't been a very cute Bunny.”

He shook his head. “Being cute isn't high on my list of priorities.”

“It should be. You're pretty good at it.” Kotetsu had come up behind him, and was now hugging him. Apparently he would be sleeping in briefs and an undershirt, if his current attire was his sleepwear. “You take a long time to get ready for bed.”

“Or maybe you don't take enough time,” he returned. “Maybe that's part of your problem.”

“And you get mad at me for being late! If I took more time to get ready, I'd be even later!”

“Then you need to start preparing earlier, old man.” He turned and kissed his cheek, cutting off whatever Kotetsu had been about to argue next. “Come on. I'm ready now.”

“Oh are you?” And that ridiculous grin with waggling eyebrows.

“Dirty old man, haven't you had enough?”

“No. Haven't you?”

“For now, yes. It's bedtime.”

He pouted. “You're no fun.”

“You said otherwise earlier.” Barnaby took his hand, tugging him toward the bed. 

“True. Earlier was nice.” He followed, then stood in contemplation of the bed, arms crossed. “If we make a habit of this, you do need some softer pillows.”

“Noted,” he informed him, straightening the disarrayed sheets before pulling them back and climbing into bed. “But if you keep complaining about everything, I'm not sure if we will make a habit of this.”

“You don't mean that,” Kotetsu objected from the other side of the bed, unceremoniously burrowing under the blankets. “You know I was right all along. This was a great idea.”

Barnaby put his glasses on the bedside table, tapping the switch on the lamp to turn it off. As darkness flooded the room, he felt an ease of the tension that had insisted he maintain his composure in all ways. Somehow it was the darkness that convinced him he could really let down his guard, even though nothing else had changed but the amount of illumination in the room. He was in his bed, and he wasn't alone. Kotetsu was with him. Kotetsu, his partner, who loved him, had loved him for quite some time. And today he'd admitted, to himself and to his partner, that he loved him too. In the silence, he could hear Kotetsu breathing, and it comforted him.

He wasn't alone anymore.

Determined not to let tears sting his eyes for another time today, he turned to his partner and snuggled up close to him, clinging to him with a quiet desperation he hoped wasn't too obvious. He didn't want to lose control again, not now. 

Kotetsu wrapped his arm around him, resting his hand at his waist and holding him close. “It's okay, Bunny. I'm here.”

He clenched his eyes against the threat of tears, then sighed with a ragged edge and buried his head against Kotetsu's shoulder. “You'll be here when I wake up?”

“Promise.” A shift of blankets, and then Kotetsu's free hand was lightly ruffling his hair.

Another sigh, this one tinged with relief and gratitude. He closed his eyes, listening to the calming sound of Kotetsu's breath, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. It soothed him. It kept him anchored, kept reminding him that he was no longer alone with the troubling thoughts that so often plagued his nights. He had a partner who loved him. As far as fixing things was concerned, it was a good start.

There was a soft chuckle in the silence. “You realize you said wake up, right?”

“Yes?” he responded and queried in one word, confused about what the old man meant with that.

“Then that means you're assuming you're going to get some sleep. So I was right.”

Barnaby blinked, thinking back, remembering the drunken stumble into the bedroom. “I suppose you were,” he murmured, smiling softly.

“Don't sound so reluctant to agree, Bunny-chan.”

He chuckled at the old man's petulant tone. “I won't get any sleep if you keep arguing with me.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “But if you do have a hard time sleeping, I know a few things that could help with that...”

“Dirty old man.”

“You like it.”

“Yes, I do.” He snuggled closer, getting into a comfortable position. Kotetsu hadn't commented on whether sleeping with him clinging to his side was going to be difficult for him, but Barnaby hazarded a guess that this would be like his earlier nap on the couch, when any discomfort was outweighed by enjoying the close contact. They'd work something out. They always had.

His thoughts were drifting. He was comfortable and content. He was loved. And this was only the beginning. Tiredly he pushed aside the nagging thoughts that reminded him there would still be much to do, that this was not a cure-all for everything that had gone wrong. He knew that, and right now was not for a new set of worries to keep him awake. It was for realizing what it felt like to sleep beside his partner. Kotetsu was right about more than just his innuendo, he realized. He did like this, a lot. He'd really like to keep doing it.

In the dark he heard Kotetsu sigh softly, felt him stroke his hair once more before his hand moved away. “Love you, Bunny,” he murmured into the comfortable silence.

“I love you, Kotetsu,” he responded, feeling a warm tingle through his body at being able to say and hear those words.

“Sleep well.”

“You too.”  


End file.
